    [Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents Volume 40, Number 13 (Monday, March 29, 2004)]
    [Pages 460-461]
    [Online from the Government Publishing Office, www.gpo.gov]

    <R04>
    Remarks to the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association Dinner

    March 24, 2004

        Thank you. Thanks for inviting me--finally. [Laughter] And thank you
    for honoring David Bloom. It was a fantastic speech you gave for a man
    you loved.
        I am sorry Laura couldn't be here, and I'm sorry Secretary Rumsfeld
    is not here either. The guy constantly surprises me. Do you know what
    Rummy's favorite TV show is? ``Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.''
    [Laughter] My Cabinet could take some pointers from watching that show.
    In fact, I'm going to have the Fab Five do a make over on Ashcroft.
    [Laughter]
        Anyway, it's nice to be with you. A couple of years ago when I was
    here, I read from my book of ``Misarticalations.'' [Laughter]
    Fortunately, my verbal phonation and electrocution--[laughter]--have
    improved. So tonight I'm going to do one of my slide shows. These are
    actual, unstaged photos pulled from the files of the White House Photo
    Office. So, ladies and gentlemen, I present a White House election-year
    album.
        As you know, the contest with my opponent is going to be a slugfest.
    I'm feeling good. [Laughter] I'm feeling ready. [Laughter] I'm psyching
    myself up for the fight. [Laughter]
        I knew it was going to be a tough campaign when Karl Rove started
    dressing like this. [Laughter]
        And this is Condi Rice, of course. Here I am trying to explain John
    Kerry's foreign policy. [Laughter]
        I have to admit it really ticked me off when Democrats questioned my
    National Guard service in Alabama. Here's a photo proving that I was in
    Alabama fulfilling my duties. [Laughter]
        Political campaigns always have their unexpected moments. This next
    photo is when I heard that Senator McCain said he was considering being
    Kerry's running mate. [Laughter]
        The next one was taken a couple of months ago. I had just gotten
    word that Howard Dean had lost Iowa. [Laughter]
        In addition to campaign calls, I also spend a lot of time on the
    phone listening to our

    [[Page 461]]

    European allies. [Laughter] The conversation went like this: ``Hey,
    John, Kim Chong-il here.'' [Laughter] ``Just wanted to call and let you
    know, you're my guy.'' [Laughter]
        Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere.
    [Laughter]
        As you can tell from the look on Andy Card's face, we've become a
    little concerned about the Vice President lately. [Laughter] Whenever
    you ask him a question, he replies, ``Let's see what my little friend
    says.'' [Laughter]
        But we get along well. Here I am saying, ``Dick, if the Hunan Palace
    doesn't get lunch here in 4 minutes, we're going out.'' [Laughter]
        Nope, no weapons over there. [Laughter] Maybe under here. [Laughter]
        Oops, this photo wasn't supposed to be in here. This is the Skull
    and Bones secret signal. [Laughter]
        I'm not paranoid. But it was at this point in my Presidency that I
    had a strange feeling somebody was following me. [Laughter]
        One thing about being President is you get lots of advice. ``Yes,
    Mother.'' [Laughter]
        ``Yes, Mother.'' [Laughter]
        ``Mother, would you just listen to us for once.'' [Laughter]
        I like this next picture a lot. It's hard to get Rumsfeld to laugh,
    but when he does, boy, it is worth it. [Laughter]
        This photo was taken down at the ranch, and as you can tell, Barney
    is not very happy with me. This is the day I told him he'd been
    neutered. [Laughter].
        And this is the day that Barney got his revenge. [Laughter]
        Now, on long flights, the staff and I often play cards. The key to
    playing poker is keeping a straight face and never letting your opponent
    know what you're thinking. [Laughter] Actually, this is on the way to
    the G-8 summit. Once I got these trading cards, it's easy to remember
    the names of the foreign leaders. [Laughter]
        All Presidents have dreams and aspirations of what their legacy will
    be. Here they are measuring me for Mt. Rushmore. [Laughter]
        But I do have a few serious photos to show you, in closing. It's
    photos like these that mean the most to me.
        Some of our Special Forces sent me this last picture. The faces are
    blurred in the slide because they remain in harm's way. The photo hangs
    in my private study next to the Oval Office. To honor those who died on
    September the 11th and to make a statement of their own commitment to
    this country's security, these Americans buried a piece of the World
    Trade Center in a place in Afghanistan where the Al Qaida once ran free.
    They wrote that they held a ceremony, which was far more emotional than
    they had expected. The team leader wrote a prayer and a dedication. Let
    me read you one sentence from that dedication: ``We consecrate this spot
    as an everlasting memorial to the brave Americans who died on September
    the 11th, so that all who would seek to do her harm will know that
    America will not stand by and watch terror prevail.''
        We will not stand by. The greatest honor of being President is
    leading such men and women. We have the freedom we enjoy tonight because
    they protect that freedom. And may God protect them.
        Thank you very much.

    Note: The President spoke at 9:55 p.m. at the Washington Hilton Hotel.
    In his remarks, he referred to former Democratic Presidential candidate
    Howard Dean; and Chairman Kim Chong-il of North Korea.