[Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents Volume 37, Number 13 (Monday, April 2, 2001)]
[Pages 552-553]
[Online from the Government Publishing Office, www.gpo.gov]

<R04>
Remarks at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association Dinner

March 29, 2001

    Thank you all very much. Well, Lew, thank you very much. Laura and I 
are thrilled to be here. I appreciate the members of the press. I think 
you serve a very useful purpose, especially tonight.
    As you know, we're studying safe levels for arsenic in drinking 
water. [Laughter] To base our decision on sound science, the scientists 
told us we needed to test the water glasses of about 3,000 people. 
[Laughter] Thank you for participating. [Laughter]
    It's good to see so many Members of the Congress here, my fellow 
Texan Tom DeLay, here at the head table. Lew asked me a little earlier 
if Tom ever smiled. I said, ``I don't know, I've only known him 9 
years.'' [Laughter]
    Senator Lieberman is here. We all know Joe is an Orthodox Jew, so he 
does no work from sundown Friday until sundown Saturday. This has so 
impressed me I, myself, am thinking of converting--[laughter]--So I 
don't have nothing to do from sundown Saturday to sundown Friday. 
[Laughter]
    Most of you probably didn't know that I have a new book out. Some 
guy put together a collection of my wit and wisdom or, as he calls it, 
my accidental wit and wisdom. [Laughter] But I'm kind of proud that my 
words are already in book form. So like other authors, I thought I'd 
read from it tonight. [Laughter] It's like the thoughts of Chairman Mao, 
only with laughs and not in Chinese. [Laughter]
    Here's one from the book--and I actually said this. [Laughter] ``I 
know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.'' [Laughter] Now, 
that makes you stop and think. [Laughter] Anyone can give you a coherent 
sentence, but something like this takes you into an entirely new 
dimension. [Laughter]
    Here's another: ``I understand small-business growth; I was one.'' 
[Laughter] You know, I love great literature. [Laughter]
    I actually said this in New Hampshire: ``I appreciate preservation. 
It's what you do when you run for President. You've got to

[[Page 553]]

preserve.'' [Laughter] I don't have the slightest idea what I was saying 
there. [Laughter]
    Or how about this one: ``More and more of our imports come from 
overseas.'' [Laughter]
    Now, most people would say, in speaking of the economy, we ought to 
make the pie bigger. I, however, am on record saying, ``We ought to make 
the pie higher.'' [Laughter] It is a very complicated economic point I 
was making there. [Laughter] But believe me, what this country needs is 
taller pie. [Laughter]
    And how about this for foreign policy vision: ``When I was coming 
up, it was a dangerous world, and we knew exactly who the `they' were. 
It was `us' versus `them'. And it was clear who the `them' was.'' 
[Laughter] ``Today, we're not so sure who the `they' are, but we know 
they're there.'' [Laughter]
    John Ashcroft, by the way, attributes the way I talk to my religious 
fervor. In fact, the first time we met, he thought I was talking in 
tongues. [Laughter]
    Then there is my most famous statement: ``Rarely is the question 
asked, is our children learning?'' [Laughter] Let us analyze that 
sentence for a moment. [Laughter] If you're a stickler, you probably 
think the singular verb ``is'' should have been the plural ``are.'' But 
if you read it closely, you'll see I'm using the intransitive plural 
subjunctive tense. [Laughter] So the word ``is'' are correct. [Laughter]
    Finally, let's see you wordsmiths out there diagram this sentence: I 
said--this may sound a little west Texan to you--``but when I'm talking 
about myself and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking 
about me.'' [Laughter]
    Now, ladies and gentlemen, you have to admit, in my sentences, I go 
where no man has gone before. [Laughter]
    But in closing, the way I see it is, I am a boon to the English 
language. I've coined new words, like, ``misunderstanding'' and 
``Hispanically.'' [Laughter] I've expanded the definition of words 
themselves, using ``vulcanized'' when I meant ``polarized,'' 
``Grecians'' when I meant ``Greeks,'' ``inebriating'' when I meant 
``exhilarating''--[laughter]--and instead of ``barriers and tariffs,'' I 
said, ``terriers and bariffs.'' [Laughter]
    And you know what? Life goes on. [Laughter] My wife and my daughters 
still love me. [Laughter] Our military still protects our shores. 
[Laughter] Americans still get up and go to work. [Laughter] People 
still go out and have fun, as we're doing tonight.
    I don't think it's healthy to take yourself too seriously. But what 
I do take seriously is my responsibility as President to all the 
American people; it's the office I hold. And that is what I came tonight 
to tell you.
    Thank you for inviting me, and thank you for your ``horspitality''. 
[Laughter]

Note: The President spoke at 9:40 p.m. in the National Ballroom at the 
Hilton Washington and Towers. In his remarks, he referred to Lew 
Ketcham, chairman, Radio and Television Correspondents Association.