[Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents Volume 36, Number 18 (Monday, May 8, 2000)]
[Pages 946-948]
[Online from the Government Publishing Office, www.gpo.gov]

<R04>
Remarks at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner

April 29, 2000

    The President. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, President Page, 
President-elect Dillon, distinguished guests. I am really happy to be 
here. Happy to be reunited at long last with the White House Press 
Corps.

[[Page 947]]

[Laughter] If I may, let me direct your attention to a photograph. 
[Laughter] Taken just moments ago, it proves beyond a doubt that I am 
indeed happy to be here. [Laughter]
    Now wait a minute. It seems that my hair in that photo--[laughter]--
is a little longer than it is tonight. So maybe I am happy to be here, 
and maybe I'm not. Feel free to speculate. [Laughter] Admittedly, looks 
and photos can be deceiving. Now look at this photo. It's a recent one 
of the Vice President applauding one of my policy initiatives. 
[Laughter] But look a little closer. Those are not his real hands. 
[Laughter]
    Now this photo. [Laughter] It made all the papers, but I have to 
tell you something. I am almost certain this is not the real Easter 
Bunny. [Laughter] The next one is my favorite. I really like it. Let's 
see the next photo. [Laughter] Isn't it grand? [Laughter] I thought it 
was too good to be true. But there is one thing beyond dispute tonight. 
This is really me. I am really here. And the record on that count is 
clear, in good days and bad, in times of great confidence or great 
controversy, I have actually shown up here for 8 straight years. Looking 
back, that was probably a mistake. [Laughter] In just 8 years, I've 
given you enough material for 20 years. [Laughter]
    This is a special night for me for a lot of reasons. Jay Leno is 
here. Now, no matter how mean he is to me, I just love this guy--
[laughter]--because, together, together, we give hope to grey-haired, 
chunky baby boomers everywhere. [Laughter]
    Tonight marks the end of an era--the after-dinner party hosted by 
Vanity Fair. [Laughter] As you may have heard, it's been canceled. Every 
year, for 8 years, the Vanity Fair party became more and more and more 
exclusive. So tonight, it has arrived at its inevitable conclusion: This 
year, no one made the guest list. [Laughter] Actually, I hear the 
Bloomberg party will be even harder to get into than the Vanity Fair 
party was. But I'm not worried, I'm going with Janet Reno. [Laughter]
    Now, the Bloomberg party is also a cast party for the stars of ``The 
West Wing,'' who are celebrating the end of their first season. You'll 
have to forgive me if I'm not as excited as everyone else is at the 
thought of a ``West Wing'' finale party. But I've got to give them 
credit; their first season got a lot better ratings than mine did--
[laughter]--not to mention the reviews. The critics just hated my travel 
office episode--[laughter]--and that David Gergen cameo fell completely 
flat. [Laughter]
    Speaking of real-life drama, I'm so glad that Senator McCain is back 
tonight. I welcome him, especially. As you all know, he just made a 
difficult journey back to a place where he endured unspeakable abuse at 
the hands of his oppressors, the Senate Republican caucus. [Laughter]
    I am glad to see that Senator McCain and Governor Bush are talking 
about healing their rift. Actually, they're thinking about, talking 
about healing their rift. And you know, I would really like to help 
them. I mean, I've got a lot of experience repairing the breach. I've 
worked with Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland, I've worked 
with Israelis and Palestinians, with Joe Lockhart and David Westin. 
[Laughter] But the differences between Bush and McCain may be just too 
vast. I mean, McCain as Bush's running mate? Hasn't the man suffered 
enough? [Laughter]
    George W. Bush has got a brand-spanking-new campaign strategy. He's 
moving toward the political center, distancing himself from his own 
party, stealing ideas from the other party. I'm so glad Dick Morris has 
finally found work again. [Laughter]
    You know, the clock is running down on the Republicans in Congress, 
too. I feel for them. I do. They've only got 7 more months to 
investigate me. [Laughter] That's a lot of pressure. So little time, so 
many unanswered questions. [Laughter] For example, over the last few 
months I've lost 10 pounds. Where did they go? [Laughter] Why haven't I 
produced them to the Independent Counsel? How did some of them manage to 
wind up on Tim Russert? [Laughter]
    Now, some of you might think I've been busy writing my memoirs. I'm 
not concerned about my memoirs, I'm concerned about my resume. Here's 
what I've got so far. Career objective: To stay President. [Laughter] 
But being realistic, I would consider an executive position with another 
country. [Laughter] Of course, I would prefer to stay within the G-

[[Page 948]]

8. [Laughter] I'm working hard on this resume deal. I've been getting a 
lot of tips on how to write it, mostly from my staff. They really seem 
to be up on this stuff. [Laughter]
    And they tell me I have to use the active voice with a the resume. 
You know, things like: ``Commanded U.S. Armed Forces;'' ``ordered air 
strikes;'' ``served three terms as President''--everybody embellishes a 
little--[laughter]--``designed, built, and painted bridge to 21st 
Century;'' ``supervised Vice President's invention of the Internet;'' 
``generated, attracted, heightened and maintained controversy.'' 
[Laughter]
    Now, I know lately I haven't done a very good job at creating 
controversy, and I'm sorry for that. You all have so much less to 
report. I guess that's why you're covering and commenting on my mood, my 
quiet, contemplative moments, my feelings during these final months in 
office. [Laughter] In that case, you might be interested to know that a 
film crew has been following me around the White House, documenting my 
remaining time there.
    This is a strange time in the life of any administration, but I 
think this short film will show that I have come to terms with it. Can 
we see the film?

 [At this point, a video was shown. ]

    The President. You like me. You really like me. [Laughter] Now, you 
know, I may complain about coming here. But a year from now, I'll have 
to watch someone else give this speech. And I'll feel an onset of that 
rare affliction, unique to former Presidents: AGDD, Attention Getting 
Deficit Disorder--[laughter]--plus--which I'll really be burned up when 
Al Gore turns out to be funnier than me. [Laughter]
    But let me say to all of you, I have loved these 8 years. You know, 
I read in the history books how other Presidents say the White House is 
like a penitentiary and every motive they have is suspect. Even George 
Washington complained he was treated like a common thief, and they all 
say they can't wait to get away. I don't know what the heck they're 
talking about. [Laughter] I've had a wonderful time. It's been an honor 
to serve and fun to laugh. I only wish that we'd even laughed more these 
last 8 years, because power is not the most important thing in life, and 
it only counts for what you use it.
    I thank you for what you do every day, thank you for all the fun 
times that Hillary and I have had. Keep at it. It's a great country. It 
deserves our best.
    Thank you, and God bless you.

 Note:  The President spoke at 10:06 p.m. in the Ballroom at the 
Washington Hilton. In his remarks, he referred to Susan Page, president, 
and Arlene Dillon, president-elect, White House Correspondents' 
Association; ``Tonight Show'' host Jay Leno; Senator John McCain; David 
Gergen, editor at large, U.S. News and Weekly Report; David Westin, 
president, ABC News; Dick Morris, political consultant; and Tim Russert, 
moderator, ``Meet the Press.''