[Weekly Compilation of Presidential Documents Volume 30, Number 17 (Monday, May 2, 1994)]
[Pages 900-903]
[Online from the Government Publishing Office, www.gpo.gov]

<R04>
Remarks at the White House Correspondents Dinner

April 23, 1994

    Thank you very much, George. And to you and Ken Walsh, I've had a 
wonderful evening sitting with you both and looking out at your 
wonderful families and cheerleaders. I want to congratulate tonight's 
award recipients and thank you all for another chance to be with you.
    I'd like to begin with a couple of serious remarks. It's easy for 
us, when we fight in Washington, to forget how much we have in common. 
And sometimes, I think we have to have these dinners where we can laugh 
at ourselves and at one another to fulfill the admonition of Proverbs 
that a happy heart doeth good like medicine, and a broken spirit dryeth 
the bones. Sometimes I think we forget that. And we can too easily get 
carried away with our honest differences, doing our honest jobs, so that 
we lose the fundamental humanity of people who are at odds with us. I 
have been thinking about this a lot in the last 24 hours as I have 
reflected on the death of President Nixon and the life that he lived 
after he left the White House and in particular the rather unusual but, 
for me, a prized relationship that I enjoyed over these last 15 or 16 
months.
    The thing that impressed me about him was that he had a tenacious 
refusal to give up on his own involvement in this country and the world 
and his hopes for this country and the world. And he continued it right 
down to the very end, writing me a letter a month to the day before he 
died about his recent trip to Russia and his analysis of other places in 
that part of the world.
    I say that because I think we should all try to remember, when we 
are tempted to write off anybody because of our differences with them, 
that we share a common humanity and we all have the capacity of doing 
better and doing more.
    Tonight in this audience there is a wonderful poet, Maya Angelou, 
who wrote a wonderful poem for my Inauguration. She wrote profoundly 
about this subject when she said, ``History, despite its wrenching pain, 
cannot be unlived and, if faced with courage, need not be lived again.''
    Tonight I know that our thoughts and prayers are with President 
Nixon's family. And many of us, each in our own way, have relived as 
many of his 50 years in public life as we also experienced, some of us 
in opposition, some of us in support. But it is worth remembering what 
binds us together as Americans and as people.
    Now, having said that, I liked Garrison Keillor a lot better than Al 
Franken. [Laughter] There for a while, I thought he was going to bring 
Wobegon to me tonight. [Laughter]
    A couple of weeks ago, the Vice President got a huge response at the 
Gridiron Club when he was wheeled out in a handtruck. You know, I've 
learned a lot from Al Gore, and so I had a very different plan for my 
entrance tonight, but we couldn't find just

[[Page 901]]

the right canoe. [Laughter] I also couldn't figure out whether I wanted 
to go up this particular creek with or without a paddle. And so, here I 
am just standing alone.
    But I haven't been alone. Over the last few months I've gotten a lot 
of telegrams from people offering me their advice and best wishes in 
this very difficult time. I brought a few of them here with me tonight. 
I thought I would share them with you. Here's one from my pollster, Stan 
Greenberg: ``I don't have a clue what people want from you.'' [Laughter] 
``Trust your instincts, but send the check anyway.'' [Laughter] ``Take 
notes; save them. You can even get even with the press when you're 85,'' 
signed Barry Goldwater. Here's one that really touched me: ``I support 
you 100 percent in this so-called Whitewater scandal. Furthermore, I do 
not believe it has even been conclusively proven that there is, in fact, 
a White River in Arkansas,'' signed James Johnston, president, R.J. 
Reynolds. [Laughter] ``Dear Bill, can I list you as a reference?'' David 
Gergen. [Laughter] And here's one I especially prize: ``Bill, remember, 
it's never too late to pull out of the '92 election.'' Ross Perot. 
[Laughter]
    Now, I've learned something in these last several weeks. One thing 
I've learned is that I should no longer assign the worst motives to 
reporters and to news organizations that cover me. I've been wrong about 
that. I am now convinced there is no deliberate conspiracy among the 
press corps; you just can't help yourselves. Hunting in packs is a 
matter of pure instinct to you. [Laughter]
    On the other hand, I do want to defend you. You know, some people in 
the national press corps have been pretty rough, but there is this 
general feeling that the press has really been tough on me. And I used 
to think that, but everything is relative. And I started doing some 
research, and I discovered that, in fact, the opposite may be true. In 
fact, I've discovered that you've been holding back. I got my hands on 
some magazine covers that were actually rejected for being too tough. 
You'll be happy to know you don't have to cover the White House to get 
leaks; you can actually work here. So I want to show you some of what 
might have happened to me if the press had been as mean as I once 
thought they were.
    Scoop, can we show those rejected magazine covers?
    Look at this one. This is a cover photo of the First Couple in U.S. 
News. It says, ``1994 Tax Tips.'' [Laughter] Look, here's a Consumer 
Reports that almost made it to the newsstand; it's a picture of me and 
Bobby Ray Inman. It says, ``Rating the Clinton Nominations''--in 
Consumer Reports. [Laughter] That's the Whitewater edition of Field and 
Stream with Hillary and me. [Laughter] Motor Trend has also applied for 
a White House press pass. Look at there. That's me and my Mustang. It 
says, ``Recall?'' on it. Then, Gourmet Magazine did this cover of the 
White House chef. You can't see it, but it's Ronald McDonald there. One 
magazine almost ran this profile of my most senior advisers; that's 
Modern Maturity with Lloyd Cutler, Lloyd Bentsen, and Warren Christopher 
sitting on a bench together. [Laughter] Sports Illustrated came within 
an inch of making this the swimsuit cover. [Laughter] And as soon as I 
put my clothes back on, Runner's World smelled a scandal. [Laughter]
    Now, this is not a new phenomenon. We found this old magazine lying 
around from the Reagan administration. This is the National Review, 
1984, with David Gergen, Man of the Year. And this year, Mother Jones 
named David Gergen the Man of the Year. I'm bitter because some people 
have gotten good magazine covers. I got this Land's End catalog in the 
mail with Jim Leach as the new sweater boy. [Laughter]
    Now, I want to try to illustrate to you--I know that you think these 
are all made up. I'm going to show you some actual covers to show you 
how much better the press has been to me. Here's an interesting 
comparison. Let me show you a Time magazine cover that actually ran 
during the campaign. God, I hated that. [Laughter] But look what their 
first choice for a cover was. The headline says, ``We just don't like 
this guy.'' [Laughter] And you remember this Time magazine cover from 
last year? I abhorred that until I saw the one they thought of running. 
[Laughter] That's me as a sumo wrestler there, ``The Incredible Growing 
President.''

[[Page 902]]

And I know all of you remember this cover, which will go down in history 
for journalistic integrity, the ``deepwater cover'' of Time that managed 
to capture George Stephanopoulos' joy about being on the cover of Time 
magazine. Everybody now knows that cover was not about Whitewater, it 
was an old and cropped photo. But you cannot be mad at Time; they 
actually cut me a lot of slack on this. I don't imagine anybody here's 
actually seen the original photo. I'm grateful for Time that they never 
showed it, but I think we'll show it to you. That's Roseanne Arnold 
still in the picture. [Laughter] Now, it's not quite what you think, 
George and I were not proposing to her, but Time didn't believe it.
    The point is, all these rejected covers show not meanness but 
courageous restraint and collective good judgment on the part of the 
Washington press corps. And I just thought the American people deserved 
to know that about you.
    And as somebody who's been working to overcome my own image 
problems, I thought I ought to help you do a little of that; so tonight 
I extend the hand of peace and offer you my advice on how the press 
might work to improve its image. Now, you might ask, why do I want to 
help you? Why do I want to help you? [Laughter] Message: I care. 
[Laughter] Anyway, here's my advice: Get booked on Larry King; go around 
the President and speak directly to the American people; pray that 
Columbia Journalism School will get a basketball team that will go to 
the Final Four. [Laughter] Learn to play a reed instrument; do not 
borrow money; do not lend money; do not make money--[laughter]--and for 
goodness sakes, do not lose money. [Laughter] As a matter of fact, the 
only safe thing is the barter system. Next advice is, never get too busy 
for a good haircut. [Laughter] And finally, in consultation with the 
Vice President, since all of you are going through the White House trash 
anyway, please separate glass, paper, and plastic. [Laughter]
    Be consistent, for goodness sakes; you're always telling me that. I 
mean, the Wall Street Journal criticizing my wife for making money 
trading commodities is like Field and Stream criticizing somebody for 
catching fish. [Laughter]
    And you should be more positive. I mean, instead of characterizing 
me as ``beleaguered,'' characterize me as ``somber'' and ``courageous'' 
and ``Lincolnesque.'' And remember, if you really want a friend in this 
town, get yourself a dog. I wish somebody had told me that before I 
showed up with a neutered cat. [Laughter]
    I'm giving you this good advice because, as you've heard me so many 
times say, we are all in this together. I mean, the hits the American 
people have taken are nothing compared to the hits you've taken. And 
you've got a tough job ahead trying to restore your good image now.
    So besides my advice, I've come up with a couple of things I could 
do to help you. I'm going to stop jogging with Congressmen and spend 
more time with the people who really matter in this town: you. 
[Laughter] Beginning tomorrow morning at 6 a.m., Jack Germond and I are 
going on a 3-mile run. [Laughter] I am going to start delivering my 
speeches exactly as written. That way you'll never have to sit and 
listen to another one. [Laughter] I promise never again to get mad when 
Andrea Mitchell or Rita Braver or Brit Hume refer to me as the 
``current'' President. [Laughter] And even if I do lose my patience once 
in a while, you don't have anything to worry about with this White 
House. Ask Jay Stephens; we don't get even, we just get mad. [Laughter]
    I also know that I need to help you get through the slow news days; 
I know how tough they are. So we're going to give you, just on 
background, details of potential scandals that you can use at your 
leisure: overdue library books from law school, the seeds of grapes I've 
eaten in supermarkets, the discrepancy between my actual weight and the 
weight on my driver's license, up until now the absolutely secret lab 
tests done on the Astroturf in my pickup. [Laughter] And there will be a 
blanket statement to go along with each one saying that I am sorry I 
didn't tell you that before.
    Now, this is serious--I do want to take an opportunity to come clean 
on a statement I made earlier this week. In an appearance on MTV, I was 
asked a question about my undergarments, more specifically, whether I 
wore boxers or briefs. I answered, ``I wear

[[Page 903]]

briefs,'' which is a true statement that speaks to the current facts. 
[Laughter] Now, at the moment I uttered this answer I could tell there 
was immediate skepticism among the media and a real desire that I prove 
the truth right then and there of my brief assertion by making 
immediate, full disclosure. [Laughter] I did not show my briefs at that 
time out of an exaggerated and wholly inappropriate sense of my zone of 
personal privacy--[laughter]--which I drug up here with me from 
Arkansas. I want you to know tonight that I regret that deeply, and like 
my wonderful wife, I have been rezoned.
    Therefore, I must also acknowledge that for a short time during my 
youth, I did in fact also wear boxer shorts. It was actually a brief 
period of time, and this semantic coincidence may have been the source 
of my confused response on MTV. [Laughter] The number of boxer shorts 
totaled six pair in all: three white, two striped, one baby blue with a 
Razorback hog and little red hogs. [Laughter]
    Now, I was reminded of this fact, which I had clearly forgotten, 
while reading a passage about doing the laundry in my mother's book. And 
I am taking this opportunity to make a full and complete disclosure. I 
have turned all my underwear over to Mr. Fiske's office--[laughter]--
including the receipts from their donation to charity and the tax 
deductions I took for them in 1962: $3.38. I'm also making copies of my 
underwear available to the news media. [Laughter] Now, naturally, since 
the special prosecutor has all my current underwear, I will need to buy 
some more. When I do that, I will keep you fully apprised as to the 
type, size, brand name, national origin, and fiber content. I have no 
further statement at this time. [Laughter]

Note: The President spoke at 8:16 p.m. at the Washington Hilton. In his 
remarks, he referred to George Condon, president, and Kenneth Walsh, 
vice president, White House Correspondents' Association; humorist 
Garrison Keillor; comedians Al Franken and Roseanne Arnold; Steven 
(Scoop) Cohen, Staff Assistant to Director of Communications; journalist 
Jack Germond; correspondents Andrea Mitchell, NBC News, Rita Braver, CBS 
News, and Brit Hume, ABC News; and special counsel Robert Fiske.