[Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: WILLIAM J. CLINTON (2000, Book I)]
[April 29, 2000]
[Pages 792-794]
[From the U.S. Government Publishing Office www.gpo.gov]



Remarks at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner
April 29, 2000

    The President. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, President 
Page, President-elect Dillon, distinguished guests. I am really happy to be here, 
happy to be reunited at long last with the White House Press Corps. 
[Laughter] If I may, let me direct your attention to a photograph. 
[Laughter] Taken just moments ago, it proves beyond a doubt that I am 
indeed happy to be here. [Laughter]
    Now, wait a minute. It seems that my hair in that photo--
[laughter]--is a little longer than it is tonight. So maybe I am happy 
to be here, and maybe I'm not. Feel free to speculate. [Laughter] 
Admittedly, looks and photos can be deceiving. Now look at this photo. 
It's a recent one of the Vice President 
applauding one of my policy initiatives. [Laughter] But look a little 
closer. Those are not his real hands. [Laughter]
    Now this photo. [Laughter] It made all the papers, but I have to 
tell you something. I am almost certain this is not the real Easter 
Bunny. [Laughter] The next one is my favorite. I really like it. Let's 
see the next photo. [Laughter] Isn't it grand? [Laughter] I thought it 
was too good to be true. But there is one thing beyond dispute tonight. 
This is really me. I am really here. And the record on that count is 
clear, in good days and bad, in times of great confidence or great 
controversy, I have actually shown up here for 8 straight years. Looking 
back, that was probably a mistake. [Laughter] In just 8 years, I've 
given you enough material for 20 years. [Laughter]
    This is a special night for me for a lot of reasons. Jay Leno is here. Now, no matter how mean he is to me, I just love 
this guy--[laughter]--because, together, together, we give hope to gray-
haired, chunky baby boomers everywhere. [Laughter]
    Tonight marks the end of an era--the after-dinner party hosted by 
Vanity Fair. [Laughter] As you may have heard, it's been canceled. Every 
year, for 8 years, the Vanity Fair party became more and more and more 
exclusive. So tonight it has arrived at its inevitable conclusion: This 
year no one made the guest list. [Laughter] Actually, I hear the 
Bloomberg party will be even harder to get 
into than the Vanity Fair party was. But I'm not worried; I'm going with 
Janet Reno. [Laughter]

[[Page 793]]

    Now, the Bloomberg party is also a 
cast party for the stars of ``The West Wing,'' who are celebrating the 
end of their first season. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not as 
excited as everyone else is at the thought of a ``West Wing'' finale 
party. But I've got to give them credit; their first season got a lot 
better ratings than mine did--[laughter]--not to mention the reviews. 
The critics just hated my travel office episode--[laughter]--and that 
David Gergen cameo fell completely flat. 
[Laughter]
    Speaking of real-life drama, I'm so glad that Senator McCain is back tonight. I welcome him, especially. As you all 
know, he just made a difficult journey back to a place where he endured 
unspeakable abuse at the hands of his oppressors, the Senate Republican 
caucus. [Laughter]
    I am glad to see that Senator McCain and 
Governor Bush are talking about healing their 
rift. Actually, they're thinking about talking about healing their rift. 
And you know, I would really like to help them. I mean, I've got a lot 
of experience repairing the breach. I've worked with Catholics and 
Protestants in Northern Ireland, I've worked with Israelis and 
Palestinians, with Joe Lockhart and David 
Westin. [Laughter] But the differences between 
Bush and McCain may be just too vast. I mean, McCain as Bush's running 
mate? Hasn't the man suffered enough? [Laughter]
    George W. Bush has got a brand-spanking-
new campaign strategy. He's moving toward the political center, 
distancing himself from his own party, stealing ideas from the other 
party. I'm so glad Dick Morris has finally found 
work again. [Laughter]
    You know, the clock is running down on the Republicans in Congress, 
too. I feel for them. I do. They've only got 7 more months to 
investigate me. [Laughter] That's a lot of pressure. So little time, so 
many unanswered questions. [Laughter] For example, over the last few 
months I've lost 10 pounds. Where did they go? [Laughter] Why haven't I 
produced them to the Independent Counsel? How did some of them manage to 
wind up on Tim Russert? [Laughter]
    Now, some of you might think I've been busy writing my memoirs. I'm 
not concerned about my memoirs; I'm concerned about my resume. Here's 
what I've got so far. Career objective: To stay President. [Laughter] 
But being realistic, I would consider an executive position with another 
country. [Laughter] Of course, I would prefer to stay within the G-8. 
[Laughter] I'm working hard on this resume deal. I've been getting a lot 
of tips on how to write it, mostly from my staff. They really seem to be 
up on this stuff. [Laughter]
    And they tell me I have to use the active voice with a resume. You 
know, things like ``commanded U.S. Armed Forces''; ``ordered air 
strikes''; ``served three terms as President''--everybody embellishes a 
little--[laughter]--``designed, built, and painted bridge to 21st 
century''; ``supervised Vice President's 
invention of the Internet''; ``generated, attracted, heightened, and 
maintained controversy.'' [Laughter]
    Now, I know lately I haven't done a very good job at creating 
controversy, and I'm sorry for that. You all have so much less to 
report. I guess that's why you're covering and commenting on my mood, my 
quiet, contemplative moments, my feelings during these final months in 
office. [Laughter]
    In that case, you might be interested to know that a film crew has 
been following me around the White House, documenting my remaining time 
there. This is a strange time in the life of any administration, but I 
think this short film will show that I have come to terms with it. Can 
we see the film?

 [At this point, a video was shown.]

    The President. You like me. You really like me. [Laughter] Now, you 
know, I may complain about coming here. But a year from now I'll have to 
watch someone else give this speech, and I'll feel an onset of that rare 
affliction, unique to former Presidents: AGDD, attention-getting deficit 
disorder--[laughter]--plus which I'll really be burned up when Al 
Gore turns out to be funnier than me. 
[Laughter]
    But let me say to all of you, I have loved these 8 years. You know, 
I read in the history books how other Presidents say the White House is 
like a penitentiary, and every motive they have is suspect. Even George 
Washington complained he was treated like a common thief. And they all 
say they can't wait to get away. I don't know what the heck they're 
talking about. [Laughter] I've had a wonderful time. It's been an honor 
to serve and fun to laugh. I only wish that we'd even laughed more these 
last 8 years, because power is not the most important thing in life, and 
it only counts for what you use it.

[[Page 794]]

    I thank you for what you do every day, thank you for all the fun 
times that Hillary and I have had. Keep at it. It's a great country. It 
deserves our best.
    Thank you, and God bless you.

 Note:  The President spoke at 10:06 p.m. in the Ballroom at the 
Washington Hilton. In his remarks, he referred to Susan Page, president, 
and Arlene Dillon, president-elect, White House Correspondents' 
Association; ``Tonight Show'' host Jay Leno; Michael Bloomberg, founder 
and chief executive officer, Bloomberg News, L.P.; Gov. George W. Bush 
of Texas; David Gergen, editor at large, U.S. News and World Report; 
David Westin, president, ABC News; Dick Morris, political consultant; 
and Tim Russert, moderator, ``Meet the Press.''