    [Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: WILLIAM J. CLINTON (2000, Book I)]
    [April 29, 2000]
    [Pages 792-794]
    [From the U.S. Government Publishing Office www.gpo.gov]

    Remarks at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner
    April 29, 2000

        The President. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, President
    Page, President-elect Dillon, distinguished guests. I am really happy to be here,
    happy to be reunited at long last with the White House Press Corps.
    [Laughter] If I may, let me direct your attention to a photograph.
    [Laughter] Taken just moments ago, it proves beyond a doubt that I am
    indeed happy to be here. [Laughter]
        Now, wait a minute. It seems that my hair in that photo--
    [laughter]--is a little longer than it is tonight. So maybe I am happy
    to be here, and maybe I'm not. Feel free to speculate. [Laughter]
    Admittedly, looks and photos can be deceiving. Now look at this photo.
    It's a recent one of the Vice President
    applauding one of my policy initiatives. [Laughter] But look a little
    closer. Those are not his real hands. [Laughter]
        Now this photo. [Laughter] It made all the papers, but I have to
    tell you something. I am almost certain this is not the real Easter
    Bunny. [Laughter] The next one is my favorite. I really like it. Let's
    see the next photo. [Laughter] Isn't it grand? [Laughter] I thought it
    was too good to be true. But there is one thing beyond dispute tonight.
    This is really me. I am really here. And the record on that count is
    clear, in good days and bad, in times of great confidence or great
    controversy, I have actually shown up here for 8 straight years. Looking
    back, that was probably a mistake. [Laughter] In just 8 years, I've
    given you enough material for 20 years. [Laughter]
        This is a special night for me for a lot of reasons. Jay Leno is here. Now, no matter how mean he is to me, I just love
    this guy--[laughter]--because, together, together, we give hope to gray-
    haired, chunky baby boomers everywhere. [Laughter]
        Tonight marks the end of an era--the after-dinner party hosted by
    Vanity Fair. [Laughter] As you may have heard, it's been canceled. Every
    year, for 8 years, the Vanity Fair party became more and more and more
    exclusive. So tonight it has arrived at its inevitable conclusion: This
    year no one made the guest list. [Laughter] Actually, I hear the
    Bloomberg party will be even harder to get
    into than the Vanity Fair party was. But I'm not worried; I'm going with
    Janet Reno. [Laughter]

    [[Page 793]]

        Now, the Bloomberg party is also a
    cast party for the stars of ``The West Wing,'' who are celebrating the
    end of their first season. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not as
    excited as everyone else is at the thought of a ``West Wing'' finale
    party. But I've got to give them credit; their first season got a lot
    better ratings than mine did--[laughter]--not to mention the reviews.
    The critics just hated my travel office episode--[laughter]--and that
    David Gergen cameo fell completely flat.
    [Laughter]
        Speaking of real-life drama, I'm so glad that Senator McCain is back tonight. I welcome him, especially. As you all
    know, he just made a difficult journey back to a place where he endured
    unspeakable abuse at the hands of his oppressors, the Senate Republican
    caucus. [Laughter]
        I am glad to see that Senator McCain and
    Governor Bush are talking about healing their
    rift. Actually, they're thinking about talking about healing their rift.
    And you know, I would really like to help them. I mean, I've got a lot
    of experience repairing the breach. I've worked with Catholics and
    Protestants in Northern Ireland, I've worked with Israelis and
    Palestinians, with Joe Lockhart and David
    Westin. [Laughter] But the differences between
    Bush and McCain may be just too vast. I mean, McCain as Bush's running
    mate? Hasn't the man suffered enough? [Laughter]
        George W. Bush has got a brand-spanking-
    new campaign strategy. He's moving toward the political center,
    distancing himself from his own party, stealing ideas from the other
    party. I'm so glad Dick Morris has finally found
    work again. [Laughter]
        You know, the clock is running down on the Republicans in Congress,
    too. I feel for them. I do. They've only got 7 more months to
    investigate me. [Laughter] That's a lot of pressure. So little time, so
    many unanswered questions. [Laughter] For example, over the last few
    months I've lost 10 pounds. Where did they go? [Laughter] Why haven't I
    produced them to the Independent Counsel? How did some of them manage to
    wind up on Tim Russert? [Laughter]
        Now, some of you might think I've been busy writing my memoirs. I'm
    not concerned about my memoirs; I'm concerned about my resume. Here's
    what I've got so far. Career objective: To stay President. [Laughter]
    But being realistic, I would consider an executive position with another
    country. [Laughter] Of course, I would prefer to stay within the G-8.
    [Laughter] I'm working hard on this resume deal. I've been getting a lot
    of tips on how to write it, mostly from my staff. They really seem to be
    up on this stuff. [Laughter]
        And they tell me I have to use the active voice with a resume. You
    know, things like ``commanded U.S. Armed Forces''; ``ordered air
    strikes''; ``served three terms as President''--everybody embellishes a
    little--[laughter]--``designed, built, and painted bridge to 21st
    century''; ``supervised Vice President's
    invention of the Internet''; ``generated, attracted, heightened, and
    maintained controversy.'' [Laughter]
        Now, I know lately I haven't done a very good job at creating
    controversy, and I'm sorry for that. You all have so much less to
    report. I guess that's why you're covering and commenting on my mood, my
    quiet, contemplative moments, my feelings during these final months in
    office. [Laughter]
        In that case, you might be interested to know that a film crew has
    been following me around the White House, documenting my remaining time
    there. This is a strange time in the life of any administration, but I
    think this short film will show that I have come to terms with it. Can
    we see the film?

     [At this point, a video was shown.]

        The President. You like me. You really like me. [Laughter] Now, you
    know, I may complain about coming here. But a year from now I'll have to
    watch someone else give this speech, and I'll feel an onset of that rare
    affliction, unique to former Presidents: AGDD, attention-getting deficit
    disorder--[laughter]--plus which I'll really be burned up when Al
    Gore turns out to be funnier than me.
    [Laughter]
        But let me say to all of you, I have loved these 8 years. You know,
    I read in the history books how other Presidents say the White House is
    like a penitentiary, and every motive they have is suspect. Even George
    Washington complained he was treated like a common thief. And they all
    say they can't wait to get away. I don't know what the heck they're
    talking about. [Laughter] I've had a wonderful time. It's been an honor
    to serve and fun to laugh. I only wish that we'd even laughed more these
    last 8 years, because power is not the most important thing in life, and
    it only counts for what you use it.

    [[Page 794]]

        I thank you for what you do every day, thank you for all the fun
    times that Hillary and I have had. Keep at it. It's a great country. It
    deserves our best.
        Thank you, and God bless you.

     Note:  The President spoke at 10:06 p.m. in the Ballroom at the
    Washington Hilton. In his remarks, he referred to Susan Page, president,
    and Arlene Dillon, president-elect, White House Correspondents'
    Association; ``Tonight Show'' host Jay Leno; Michael Bloomberg, founder
    and chief executive officer, Bloomberg News, L.P.; Gov. George W. Bush
    of Texas; David Gergen, editor at large, U.S. News and World Report;
    David Westin, president, ABC News; Dick Morris, political consultant;
    and Tim Russert, moderator, ``Meet the Press.''