    [Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: William J. Clinton (1997, Book I)]
    [April 10, 1997]
    [Pages 421-423]
    [From the U.S. Government Publishing Office www.gpo.gov]

    Remarks at the Radio and Television Correspondents Association Dinner
    April 10, 1997

        The President. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you very much,
    ladies and gentlemen. Members of Congress, members of the press, fellow
    sufferers--[laughter]--I would like to thank the Radio and Television
    Correspondents Association for inviting me this evening. I want to give
    Terry Murphy a special thanks for the kind introduction, and also, given
    my condition, I'd like to give a special thank-you to the Ridgewell
    Catering Company for bringing me here tonight. [Laughter] Enough laughs.
        I have come here tonight to speak about a topic of perennial concern
    in Washington, something we never get around to doing anything about.
    And that is the close, some would even say cozy relationship, between
    the rarified elite who make public policy and those who report on it.
    And on that topic, just let me say this: Congratulations, Andrea.
    [Laughter] You know, that fella standing next to you in the newspaper
    photos a few days ago--[laughter]--he looked exactly like Alan
    Greenspan, only exuberant. [Laughter]
        I want all of you to know that, until recently, I had planned out a
    really dramatic entrance to this dinner. [Laughter] And then, George
    Bush stole my thunder. [Laughter] I mean, look at this: This guy is 72
    years old; he jumps out of a plane at 12,000 feet; he lands without a
    scratch. [Laughter] I fall 6 inches, and I'm crippled up for 6 months.
    It's ridiculous.
        Now, as you might imagine, my injured knee adds complications to my
    schedule. In fact, you know, just when I was on the way over here
    tonight--[laughter]--as you have seen, my Press Secretary, Mike McCurry,
    just handed me a note. According to wire reports, former President Bush
    has just bungee jumped off the Seattle Space Needle. [Laughter]
        That reminds me--I was supposed to make another announcement
    tonight. Mr. Murphy has asked me to tell you that the Radio and
    Television Correspondents Association has decided to adopt the practices
    of the Democratic National Committee. [Laughter] That means you can all
    pick up your $1,000 refund checks on the way out tonight. [Laughter]
        You know, I'm getting a little sick of these fundraising stories.
    [Laughter] But here I am, I'm doing the best to do the job the American
    people sent me here to do. But with all this ruckus in Washington these
    days, we have to work harder and harder to sort of be heard through the
    din. So my staff worked up a few new ideas that we thought might break
    through. I want you to be the judge. After all, it's your din.
    [Laughter]
        Here are the suggestions: Take a cue from the TV show ``Ellen.''
    Start a rumor that in the last Presidential press conference of the
    season, my character will become a libertarian. [Laughter] Announce that
    we've discovered signs of life on Mars. We already tried that, and some
    of you bought it; I couldn't believe it. [Laughter] Announce that I will
    fight

    [[Page 422]]

    Evander Holyfield--anytime, anyplace. [Laughter] Here's the Vice
    President's suggestion. Sign an Executive order hiring people on welfare
    to install computers in our Nation's classrooms, to E-mail messages to
    neighborhood watch volunteers, to use their cell phones to call 100,000
    community police officers, to remind the one million literacy tutors to
    show up for work. [Laughter] If all else fails, push myself down a
    flight of stairs. [Laughter] As you know, that's the one we decided to
    go with. [Laughter] It worked for a while, and I would do it again. I
    may have to. [Laughter]
        Thank you very much, Mike. [Laughter]
        Ladies and gentlemen, you will be pleased to learn that former
    President Bush--[laughter]--has just successfully jumped the Snake River
    Canyon on a rocket-powered motorcycle. [Laughter] Now he's just taunting
    me. [Laughter]
        You know, one of the results of being bummed up for awhile is that
    I've gotten to watch a lot more television than normal, and I spent a
    day in the hospital just sort of channel-flipping, ``surfing,'' that's
    what you call it now. And I was amazed at the way all these different
    channels struggled to accurately but uniquely cover my surgery.
    [Laughter] C-SPAN, of course, provided live, uninterrupted coverage of
    my injured knee--[laughter]--while C-SPAN 2 devoted full coverage to my
    other knee. [Laughter] Within an hour of the accident, CNN had composed
    ominous theme music--[laughter]--and put up a graphic, ``Breaking News,
    Breaking Knees.'' [Laughter] I knew it was going to be a major story
    when their ``Headline News'' devoted a full 5 seconds to it. [Laughter]
    MSNBC immediately proclaimed itself the state-of-the-art global
    interactive command center for all leg-related news. [Laughter] ESPN
    broke into the North Carolina-Colorado basketball game with a breathless
    bulletin that Greg Norman was just fine. [Laughter] PBS kept
    interrupting coverage of my knee for pledge drives. [Laughter] For every
    $100 donation, you got a commemorative X-ray of my leg. [Laughter] Bob
    Novak went on ``Crossfire'' to argue the positive aspects of
    debilitating knee injuries for Democrats. [Laughter] And then, there was
    MTV. All they wanted to know was, did I wear a hospital gown or pajamas?
    [Laughter]
        Press Secretary Mike McCurry. Another one.
        The President. Thank you, Mike. [Laughter] Ladies and gentlemen,
    President Bush has just had himself manacled, placed inside a padlocked
    trunk--[laughter]--and submerged off the coast of Kennebunkport.
    [Laughter] The clock is ticking. [Laughter] Our prayers are with him.
    [Laughter]
        Anyway, I'm back on my feet, and I'm working for the American
    people. Congress is back in session this week. That came as a surprise
    to people in Washington who didn't know it was away. [Laughter] Things
    have been so slow this year, C-SPAN is actually showing reruns of the
    104th Congress.
        We can't get agreement to change the consumer price index; that's
    the hangup on this whole budget deal. And there are Democrats and
    Republicans in the House--they're scared to death of it. But you know, a
    small change in the CPI could shave billions of dollars from the
    deficit, add years and years to the life of the Social Security Trust
    Fund.
        Now, I know this is a complicated issue for some people, and I've
    been looking for some simple way to explain it. And so, consider how we
    might re-index some other statistics. For example, a report said last
    month that we Americans are the heaviest people in the world. Working
    together, reaching across party lines, we can change all that.
    [Laughter] Instead of 16 ounces to a pound, we'll say there's 20 ounces.
    [Laughter] That way, a person who weighs 200 pounds would weigh 160
    pounds. Think about it: overnight, Democrats and Republicans can make
    America the thinnest nation in the world. [Laughter]
        Let me tell you, I'm doing the best I can, but actually I'm kind of
    hurting. The worst thing about this injury is it's hard to stand for
    long periods of time, and about this time I start to get tired. So I'm
    going to sort of sit down with a confession. When I signed that
    Executive order banning cloning research, it was too late to do anything
    about an experiment or two that had already been started. [Laughter] But
    one of them has come in handy in moments like this.
        ``Bill,'' would you mind? [Laughter]

    [At this point, ``Saturday Night Live'' comedian Darrell Hammond joined
    the President at the dais and made brief remarks impersonating the
    President.]

        The President. I have to take this over before it gets out of hand.
    [Laughter] God knows, I can't afford to jeopardize my relationship with

    [[Page 423]]

    the press corps. [Laughter] But I want to thank you, ``Bill'' or ``Mr.
    President.'' By the way, I wrote up a to-do list for you for the next
    couple of days. As usual, there's the morning jog; you have to do that
    now. [Laughter] Tomorrow at 3:30 p.m., I have a conflict. I have a root
    canal appointment and a press conference in the East Room. I know it's
    going to hurt, but would you mind doing the press conference? [Laughter]
    No, wait a minute. I couldn't ask anybody else to do that, even me.
        Actually, I enjoy these press conferences, and I enjoy coming here
    every year. I thank you all for what you've done to sustain our
    democracy for nearly 225 years. Our country is still a work in progress,
    and I look forward to building on that progress with you. I even look
    forward to these dinners, and I really wouldn't want to send anyone else
    in my place. So I want to thank all of you for having Hillary, me, and
    me here this evening. [Laughter]
        In closing, let me say, we must find common ground. [Laughter] We
    are going to build that bridge to the 21st century. [Laughter] I do have
    to refer you to Lanny Davis on that one. Ya-da, ya-da, ya-da.
        Good night, and thank you very much.

    Note: The President spoke at 8:28 p.m., at the Washington Hilton Hotel.
    In his remarks, he referred to Terry Murphy, chairman, Radio and
    Television Correspondents Association; and newlyweds Andrea Mitchell,
    NBC News, and Alan Greenspan, Chairman, Federal Reserve Board.