[Congressional Record (Bound Edition), Volume 154 (2008), Part 9]
[House]
[Page 13274]
[From the U.S. Government Publishing Office, www.gpo.gov]




                      LEARN HOW TO SPEAK DEMOCRAT

  The SPEAKER pro tempore. Under a previous order of the House, the 
gentleman from Michigan (Mr. McCotter) is recognized for 5 minutes.
  Mr. McCOTTER. Mr. Speaker, in the interest of legislative process 
whereby we hear many speeches on the floor, many Members talk to their 
constituents, I am going to try to bring a bit of enlightenment to this 
process with the use of a technological device known as a ruler and 
charts.
  We are going to learn how to speak Democrat today, speaking local 
Democrat.
  Often we heard the word ``progressive,'' which translates into 
``regressive.'' As used in a sentence, ``Democrats are progressive.'' 
The translation, ``Democrats are regressive.''
  We hear the word ``change,'' which means ``the 1970s.'' ``Democrats 
will bring you change.'' Translation, ``Democrats will bring you the 
1970s.''
  ``Government'' means ``socialism.'' ``Democrats support proactive 
government.'' Translation, ``Democrats support proactive socialism.''
  ``Enhance revenues'' translates into ``raise taxes.'' ``Democrats 
will enhance revenues.'' Translation, ``Democrats will raise taxes.''
  This is my favorite part. ``The rich means you.'' For example, 
``Democrats will only tax the rich.'' Translation, ``Democrats will 
only tax you.'' Ouch.
  ``Invest'' translates into ``waste.'' Again, used in a sentence, 
``Democrats will invest your money.'' Translation, ``Democrats will 
waste your money.''
  ``Energy'' means ``lethargy.'' ``Democrats have an energy policy.'' 
Translation, ``Democrats have a lethargy policy.''
  ``Green-collar jobs'' translates into ``unemployment.'' ``Democrats 
will replace your blue-collar jobs with green-collar jobs'' translates 
into ``Democrats will replace your blue-collar jobs with 
unemployment.''
  Speaking global Democrat. ``Diplomacy'' equals ``magic.'' ``Democrats 
will protect America from Iranian nukes through tough principled 
diplomacy'' translates into ``Democrats will protect America from 
Iranian nukes through tough principled magic.''
  ``Engaged'' means ``appease.'' ``Democrats will engage America's 
enemies.'' Translation, ``Democrats will appease America's enemies.''
  Importantly, ``end'' means ``lose.'' ``Democrats will end the Iraq 
war.'' Translation, ``Democrats will lose the Iraq war.''
  Finally, contextually construing electoral Democrat, i.e., walking 
the party plank. This is a graduate-level course.
  ``As a progressive party, Democrats will bring you change by using 
government to enhance revenues from the rich to invest in the 
production of energy and green-collar jobs and by using diplomacy to 
engage America's enemies and end the Iraq war.''
  The translation, ``As a regressive party, Democrats will bring you 
the 1970s by using socialism to raise taxes from you to waste in the 
production of lethargy and unemployment, and by using magic to appease 
America's enemies and lose the Iraq war.''
  I hope this exercise has been instructive.

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