[Congressional Record (Bound Edition), Volume 148 (2002), Part 12]
[House]
[Pages 16613-16617]
[From the U.S. Government Publishing Office, www.gpo.gov]




                      THE MEANING OF SEPTEMBER 11

  The SPEAKER pro tempore (Mr. Gilchrest). Under the Speaker's 
announced policy of January 3, 2001, the gentleman from New Jersey (Mr. 
Pallone) is recognized for 60 minutes as the designee of the minority 
leader.
  Mr. PALLONE. Mr. Speaker, I do not intend to use the full hour this 
evening, unless some of my colleagues come in and would like to share 
some of the time.
  I did want to take to the floor this evening on the evening of 
September 11 to basically talk about the meaning of September 11 to me 
and particularly to my constituents in New Jersey. I wanted to 
particularly make reference to two events that I participated in in the 
last 24 hours.
  Last evening, after the House adjourned during the day for votes, I 
went up to Middletown, New Jersey, which is a town in my district, in 
Monmouth County, that suffered more deaths in the World Trade Center 
building during the attack on September 11 than any other town in New 
Jersey or maybe in the whole metropolitan area. There was a memorial 
service, a dedication of a garden in memory of the 36 residents of 
Middletown who died on September 11. It was a very moving ceremony. We 
had relatives of the victims who made speeches. I would like to talk 
about it a little more.
  The other event I went to this morning was at my own high school in 
Long Branch, New Jersey, where the entire student body from 
kindergarten, I believe, all the way to 12th grade, to the graduating 
seniors, showed up at the football stadium for a service. I think we 
must have had probably over 4,000 people there this morning. It also 
was very moving. I would like to sort of comment on both of those 
ceremonies in light of what happened last year.
  Mr. Speaker, last September 11 I actually was in the Capitol. Many of 
us know that on Mondays and Tuesdays we schedule at 9 a.m. what we call 
morning hour, which is very similar to the special orders that we have 
at the end of the day. It is an opportunity between 9 and 10 a.m. for 
Members of Congress to come down and give 5-minute speeches on whatever 
topic they desire. It is not part of the votes of the House. It is an 
opportunity to talk about issues or really any kind of event that you 
want to talk about that day.
  Before morning hour on the Democratic side we have a meeting, what we 
call a message meeting in the morning that I chair, along with the 
gentlewoman from Connecticut (Ms. DeLauro), and that usually starts at 
8:30 in the morning. So on that morning of September 11 last year we 
started at 8:30, maybe it was a little later, with a message meeting, 
and then we came up to the floor, some of us, including myself, to do 
the 5 minutes for morning hour.
  I do not know exactly what time it was, probably maybe about 9:15 or 
9:20, when I finished my 5-minute speech for morning hour that I walked 
out of this Chamber and walked over to the leader's office, the office 
of the gentleman from Missouri (Mr. Gephardt), and discovered that the 
World Trade Center had been attacked. It was on the TV.
  The only reason I bring this up is because over the weekend there was 
a report in the news media about how certain informers for al Qaeda and 
the Taliban had indicated that the plane that went down in Pennsylvania 
on September 11 last year was actually headed for the Capitol, for the 
United States Capitol.
  This morning when I was at the ceremony at Long Branch High School, 
the superintendent of schools, who was the MC for the ceremony, Mr. 
Joseph Ferraina, mentioned in his opening remarks that the people who 
died on September 11 basically gave their lives so that others might 
live.
  I thought about that statement this morning, and, of course, it has a 
tremendous symbolic meaning, but it also had a literal meaning in a 
sense for me, because it is very likely that if those brave Americans 
who had decided to try to fight the terrorists and bring down that 
plane into a field in Pennsylvania had not made the decision to try to 
struggle and overcome the terrorists, that that plane would have headed 
for the Capitol and I would have been right here on the House floor and 
probably died as a result or could have died as a result of that 
attack. So those people literally, literally, were giving their lives 
so that Members of Congress like myself and my colleagues could live.
  It is an amazing thing to think about, that they were willing to 
sacrifice so that that plane would not come here and hit the United 
States Capitol.
  But I also thought this morning that they were not only giving their 
lives for other Americans, possibly myself and my colleagues, but they 
were also sacrificing their lives, they were essentially martyrs for 
the cause of America in a more symbolic way. When I say the cause of 
America, what do I mean? I mean democracy. I mean the freedom of 
speech, the freedom to assemble, the freedom of religion that we find 
so sacred.
  My wife mentioned to me this morning that the Americans who were on 
that plane that ended up crashing in Pennsylvania, because they were in 
contact with others on the ground, they were using cell phones and were 
able to contact other people while they were on the plane, and they 
found out that the World Trade Center had been attacked, that the 
Pentagon had been attacked, and they decided, because of those attacks, 
that they would take a vote and they would vote amongst themselves on 
the plane as to whether or not they would try to overcome the 
terrorists in order to veer the plane away from, in this case, the 
Capitol or whatever else they thought landmark it might be used by the 
terrorists to attack.
  I thought it was terribly significant that they voted, because here 
we are this morning in Long Branch, yesterday in Middletown, today on 
the floor in Washington, talking about the meaning of democracy and how 
the people who lost their lives were really martyrs for the American 
way for democracy. Lo and behold, they were taking a vote to decide 
whether to overcome the terrorists, which is probably, I guess, the 
most basic manifestation of what democracy is about, taking a vote.
  I am sure that the terrorists that hijacked the plane were not taking 
any votes because, unlike the Americans who were willing to give their 
lives on that plane, they did not believe in a democratic process. They 
did not believe in the American way, the values that we believe in. 
They basically had a very different ideology, and their ideology, 
whatever it was, said that it was okay for them to hijack the plane, to 
kill innocent civilians for what would appear to be some sort of 
fundamentalist religious cause.
  I think that we cannot forget the fact that so many Americans who 
lost their lives on September 11, including the 36 in Middletown, the 
town that I went to last night in my district, even though they were 
giving their lives for the American way, for American values, that the 
effect on their families, the effect on their relatives, is 
devastating.
  It is nice to say that someone is a martyr. It is a glorious thing. 
But, at the same time, it is very hard to be the relative of the 
martyr, because your husband or your wife or your daughter or your son 
is no longer there. There is the huge void, if you will, that lingers. 
I am sure it lingers a year later or lingers 10 years later. It is 
never really filled.
  Mr. Speaker, I will introduce into the record an article that was in 
the New York Times, I think it was on September 7, just a couple of 
days ago, that talks about Middletown, New Jersey, and the grief and 
the difficulty that the relatives and the survivors of the victims of 
September 11 have been going through.
  I put it in the record, Mr. Speaker, not because I want to dwell on 
the

[[Page 16614]]

grief. The title of the article in the New York Times is ``Emerging 
From Cocoon of Grief,'' but because I think it is important for us to 
understand that as much as we talk about these victims and their 
families, or these heroes, I should say, and their families, in the 
sense that they gave so much and they are so important and they are so 
significant for us to comment on, that they still were people whose 
families now are having problems because of a void that has been left 
behind. I think this article kinds of sums it all up. It sums up their 
courage and what they had to face, but also sums up what they face in 
the future.
  Mr. Speaker, I yield to the gentlewoman from California (Ms. Waters).
  Ms. WATERS. Mr. Speaker, I would like to thank my colleague for 
yielding to me and giving me an opportunity to voice my support for 
House Concurrent Resolution 464. I was not here when the vote was 
taken. I was on a plane coming from Los Angeles. I had to stay in the 
district to take care of some very important problems there. I tried 
very hard to get from the airport here to the House floor so that I may 
take that vote, because I think it is so important for all of us to 
show that we really do care and we really do honor the memory of those 
who lost their lives and for those families who are making sacrifices, 
even today, because of the devastation that they are experiencing in 
their families and in their homes and in their lives. So I would like 
it to be known that had I been present for the vote on House Concurrent 
Resolution 464, Roll Call No. 384, I certainly would have voted yes.
  Again, I want to thank the gentleman from New Jersey (Mr. Pallone) 
for taking out extra time on the floor. Having done what we all should 
have done, and that is voted, the gentleman has remained here, because 
he had something additional that he wanted to say to the families and 
to the friends and neighborhoods and the communities.
  Just as I walked in, the gentleman was talking about what happened on 
that airplane in Pennsylvania when a decision was made by a vote ``to 
roll,'' to try and take the plane away from the hijackers, in an effort 
perhaps to prevent them from coming to this Capitol or to the White 
House.
  The gentleman is absolutely correct, we should never forget that, and 
we should all know and feel that we are very blessed because there were 
very brave people who decided to take a courageous action in the 
interest of saving lives. So I thank the gentleman for the extra time 
that he is putting into this.
  Mr. PALLONE. Mr. Speaker, I want to thank my colleague for those 
words.
  Mr. Speaker, I see other colleagues joining me, and I am very pleased 
to see that, and I just wanted to talk a little bit more about the Long 
Branch ceremony this morning and Middletown last night, if I could.
  I was really happy this morning in Long Branch because there were so 
many young people there, about 4,000 people, as I said, maybe from 
kindergarten all the way to 12th grade from my home community. I think 
they were listening very attentively to the various speeches being made 
and they understood that the people who lost their lives on September 
11 really were heroes to the American way.
  The most important thing I think we need to do as we continue to 
commemorate September 11, and in Long Branch actually said they plan on 
doing the ceremony every September 11 because they wanted to teach, if 
you will, the students and the young people about the significance of 
September 11, that it is important that from now on, not only today, 
but in the future, that we continue to commemorate the day and we 
continue to commemorate those people who lost their lives and the 
heroes that tried to help the victims, the firefighters, the police, 
because if we forget it, then we are not paying proper respect to them, 
and we must continue to point out that this democracy that we live in 
and the freedoms that we so cherish are not easily come by, that people 
continue to sacrifice for them.
  Obviously we must continue to do what we can here in Congress with 
the President and Congress jointly to make sure that the terrorists do 
not have the opportunity to do this type of terrible act again.
  If I could just mention a little more about Middletown last night, 
because it was so significant. As I said, in Middletown there were 36 
men and women who lost their lives in the World Trade Center on 
September 11.

                              {time}  1800

  I mentioned the article that was in the New York Times, and there was 
a lot of news stories and national attention that was focused on 
Middletown over the last year because so many people died 
proportionately for the size of the town. But in the middle of all the 
descriptions in the news media about the suffering, about the people 
who died and their families, there was also much said about the pride 
of the community, the fact that the community came together in untold 
ways, that residents were helping each other in time of need, and that 
the community banded together not only to help the families of people 
who died but also to send firefighters and police to help the efforts 
on September 11 and in the aftermath. And I guess I just wanted to say 
this evening, if I could, how proud I was last night to be able to say 
that I represent a community like Middletown and to also have the 
opportunity to participate in the groundbreaking for another wonderful 
community effort there, the Middletown Memorial Garden.
  Let me just explain a little bit about what went on last night. Each 
of the elected representatives spoke briefly, and then they had 
relatives of the victims who spoke and then they proceeded over to this 
new memorial garden where each of the relatives was given a shovel to 
shovel some of the dirt before the garden started to be put together. 
And of the speakers, every one of them was overwhelming in terms of 
what they said and the significance of what they said, but in 
particular I can remember a little girl, I do not know, I think she 
probably was about 9 or 10 years old, maybe a little younger or a 
little older, and of course she reminded me of my own daughter. I have 
one daughter who is 9 years old. And she spoke about her father. She 
basically read a letter, I guess in a sense she was writing a letter to 
dad, and it was such a moving experience. And after that all the 
relatives, I think about 170 or so relatives that proceeded over to 
this garden to do the shoveling of the groundbreaking, and there were 
little kids 2 years old, 3 years old all the way up to teenagers. It 
was such an overwhelming experience.
  I want to say in conclusion before I yield to my colleagues, the loss 
is always going to be there. There is no way to get away from the loss 
for all these relatives of what they lost on September 11, but I think 
if we do not forget the people who gave their lives, if we continue to 
commemorate their activities, if we do things like the Middletown 
Memorial Garden or the ceremonies like were held at Long Branch High 
School this morning, then we are doing what is necessary to make sure 
that we never forget what happened and the significance of what 
happened. We need to be reminded ultimately that this battle against 
those who would defy America and defy America's values is never ending 
and that we have to be constantly vigilant in order to protect our 
democracy and our freedoms. And that is why I think today was so 
significant to me, not only to the two ceremonies that I attended over 
the last 24 hours, but because I feel in general that people after a 
year really understand the significance of what happened on September 
11 and are determined to keep in mind the lessons of that day.
  Mr. Speaker, with that I yield to the gentleman from New York (Mr. 
Engel), and I know he had many of his own constituents who died and 
suffered that day as well. I yield to the gentleman.
  Mr. ENGEL. I thank the gentleman from New Jersey (Mr. Pallone), my 
friend, for yielding to me, and I am very grateful that we are able to 
speak on the floor about September 11 today because I have just gotten 
back from New York and spent my morning at

[[Page 16615]]

Ground Zero at the World Trade Center site where we had extremely 
moving events. I was just out in front of the Capitol where I sang 
``God Bless America'' with so many of our colleagues, and for me being 
in two places the same day, Ground Zero, the World Trade Center, and at 
the Capitol where we now know that the doomed flight from Pennsylvania 
was heading towards the Capitol. It has been a very emotional roller 
coaster for me to be in both cities one day. Flying the shuttle, it was 
practically empty. A lot of people were obviously not flying today. But 
I am just so proud the way this Congress and the American people are 
handling the anniversary of the tragedy that happened 1 year ago today.
  I saw, as I have seen in my city since September 11, just an 
outpouring of goodwill, of people just hugging each other and banding 
together and taking pride in being New Yorkers and taking pride in 
being Americans and just wanting to help each other, care about each 
other, be concerned with each other. We saw that again when I drove 
down this morning. The first thing we saw when we got near Ground Zero 
were people with American flags and having victory signs and thumbs-up 
signs and just hugging each other. When we actually got to the event, 
there was a platform and we started with different famous speeches that 
were made, and then at the exact times that the planes hit the World 
Trade Center, both towers, there were moments of silence, and then at 
the exact times that the buildings crumbled a year ago, there were 
bells tolling and moments of silence, and all the names of all the 
victims of the September 11 tragedy at the World Trade Center were read 
from A to Z, and it was very, very moving. I was given a list of names 
to read to be part of the procedure, to read the names, and I realized 
that someone had come in who was a family member of someone who had 
died at the World Trade Center and he had no names to read, and I gave 
him my list to read because it was just enough for me to be there to 
just get the feeling. And I will tell my colleagues, it was a very 
windy day in New York City today, and it was almost as if one could 
just feel the spirit lifting everybody that was there. I do not think I 
have ever had anything that has been as emotional or as emotionally 
uplifting. It was sad, very, very sad, but at the same time it made us 
feel like we were all part of something and that we were all together 
as Americans and as New Yorkers. There were thousands upon thousands of 
people. There were family members making their way down to the exact 
spot of Ground Zero.
  Last night at about 1 o'clock in the morning, there were processions, 
actually marches, of people from all five boroughs. New York City, of 
course, has five boroughs. The Bronx, where I am from; Brooklyn; 
Manhattan; Queens; and Staten Island. And people started from the 
farthest reaches of the city, from the farthest points of the five 
boroughs from Ground Zero and all converged at Ground Zero. And so as 
the names were being read out, family members were marching down and we 
could see the family members. Yo Yo Ma was playing as he does so well, 
and it was just a very moving experience.
  I said the week of September 11 last year after touring the site with 
the President 3 days after that I was never more proud to be an 
American and never more proud to be a New Yorker, and I feel that way 
again today. And I do hope that every September 11 we can all come 
together. I hope we can do it 365 days of the year, but I think that 
September 11 is a day that we really always need to reflect and always 
need to understand how proud we are to be Americans, how proud we are 
to be New Yorkers. The terrorists think that they can destroy our way 
of life, but they cannot. Quite the opposite. Because what I see is a 
resolve amongst Americans, amongst people in this country like I have 
never seen before. It is almost as if a sleeping giant has awakened, 
and we are going to ensure that the evil of terrorism is eradicated all 
over the world wherever it rears its ugly head, and this country will 
always be in the forefront of fighting evil. And we understand what it 
means to be an American, and we understand why it is so important that 
we all band together and help each other because that really gives us 
the meaning of what life is all about.
  And those people, those poor people, and I will conclude, who 
perished on September 11 did not perish in vain because they will 
always be in our minds, they will always be in our hearts, and the 
heroism that we saw from the first responders to everybody else, the 
untold acts of heroism that we will never know about, those people are 
an inspiration to all of us.
  Mr. PALLONE. Mr. Speaker, I thank the gentleman from New York (Mr. 
Engel) for what he said, and I know that there were a lot of New Jersey 
people at Ground Zero. I think the governor of New Jersey also spoke or 
read the Declaration of Independence, if I am not mistaken.
  Mr. Speaker, I yield to the gentlewoman from California (Ms. Pelosi), 
our Democratic whip.
  Ms. PELOSI. Mr. Speaker, I thank the gentleman for yielding and for 
having this very important special order this evening on this day that 
is etched in the hearts and minds of all Americans.
  I want to first commend the gentleman, my colleague from New York 
(Mr. Engel), and extend to him and the members of the New York 
delegation, especially the dean, the gentleman from New York (Mr. 
Rangel) for the magnificent hospitality extended to the Congress. Over 
300 Members of Congress traveled to New York on Friday to the place 
where George Washington took the oath of office as our first President 
of the United States. What more suitable place could there be than for 
us to express our grief to all those who personally suffered on 
September 11 and, indeed, to our entire country which shares in that 
grief?
  But New York took a hit and all those from surrounding areas, as the 
gentleman said, many from New Jersey, certainly those in the plain in 
Pennsylvania and those at the Pentagon, in every venue the spirit of 
the families who suffered the loss and the spirit of the communities 
that were involved has lifted up our country.
  This has been quite a day for our country, all over America, and I 
know in my district in San Francisco all day. We started at 5 o'clock 
this morning because it is three hours earlier, to be ready to 
commemorate at the exact moment the sad tragedy that our country 
experienced last year. But for some of us, we were in the National 
Cathedral at that precise time when the great bell of the cathedral 
rang to observe again that sad time and for all of us to join in 
mourning. It is a day of mourning and memories, and it is a day to pay 
tribute and give thanks certainly to the New York delegation for the 
wonderful venue they provided for us to mourn, commiserate, and they 
provided us a great memory for which we are all grateful.
  With the resolution that we approved today in the Congress, we 
expressed our utmost appreciation to those brave and courageous young 
men and women in uniform who are fighting the battle to root out 
terrorism wherever it exists. Today we remember the victims of 
September 11. We also remember and pay tribute to Johnny Michael Spann, 
the CIA officer who in November became the first American killed in 
combat. We honored him earlier in this Congress with his family in the 
gallery. His name and the names of thousands of other Americans, too 
many Americans, are now etched as permanently in our history as they 
are in the minds of their families. As the poet laureate of the United 
States said in New York, too many names for even the walls of our 
hearts to contain.
  For some of the families of the victims, the sound of a plane flying 
overhead fills them with fear. Indeed, the warning of any possible 
terrorist act intensifies their grief, and for them and for all 
Americans we must do everything in our power to reduce risk to the 
American people. Yet as we continue to grieve, we take pride in knowing 
that the unspeakable events of September 11 have brought Americans 
closer together than ever. The gentleman from New York (Mr. Engel)

[[Page 16616]]

referenced that, as did the gentleman from New Jersey (Mr. Pallone). We 
have joined together as a community, we rush to give blood, money, and 
volunteer time to become more patriotic, to appreciate our freedom.
  Today's resolution honored all of those affected by September 11 from 
whom we have learned what it means to be a member of the American 
family. From our first responders, our firefighters, and police 
officers, we have learned to be an American is to be selfless, to put 
honor above personal safety and the lives of strangers above your own. 
From cell phone calls made from crumbling buildings, we learned that to 
be an American is to love family with a power and a force that 
transcends even death. From a group of passengers in a hijacked plane 
over Pennsylvania, we learned that to be an American is to be brave in 
the face of hopelessness and to do good for others while evil is being 
done to oneself. And from workers at the Pentagon who went to work that 
day and every day, we learned that to be an American is to love freedom 
and to show that love every day by serving our great country.
  This morning we also went to the Pentagon, shared some sympathies 
with the families of those who lost their loved ones. One young man 
showed me the flag that was given to him in memory and honor of his 
father who perished that day. We also honored the hardhats who rebuilt 
the Pentagon so that here today on that 1-year anniversary we could 
visit a Pentagon that was restored, a sign of confidence and pride in 
our country.
  With these lessons in mind, we can rest assured that the assault in 
our heart, the heart of our Nation, will only make it beat more 
strongly. That strength will allow us to triumph over terror 
militarily, and that strength will allow us to triumph over terror in 
spirit. We will cherish our freedoms now more than ever and recognize, 
as was said at the National Cathedral this morning, that there is a 
high cost to freedom.

                              {time}  1815

  We will draw our loved ones closer and reach out further toward peace 
with our adversaries.
  With that, I would like to once again express gratitude to all who 
have helped us all grieve. I hope it is a comfort to those who lost 
their loved ones that so many people throughout the world, and indeed, 
intensely in our own country, share their grief and are praying for 
them at this sad time.
  I would also like to thank the gentleman from Illinois (Speaker 
Hastert) and our leader, the gentleman from Missouri (Mr. Gephardt), 
for making it possible for us to travel to New York, because it was a 
place we had to visit. We went to the heart, to where our country 
began, to renew ourselves and to be ready for this very, very sad day, 
but in a spirit of renewal and pride in our great country. God bless 
America.
  Mr. PALLONE. Mr. Speaker, I yield to the gentleman from New York (Mr. 
Engel).
  Mr. ENGEL. The only thing I wanted to add, Mr. Speaker, was that the 
gentleman pointed out that so many people from New York City and the 
suburbs of New York lost their lives. Both Senators from New Jersey 
were there today at Ground Zero, and the Governor was; both Senators 
from New York, and the New York Governor was.
  In my district in Rockland County and Westchester County, the suburbs 
of New York City, so many people lost their lives: firemen, policemen, 
and average citizens who went to work. So this is truly a regional 
feeling, and absolutely a national feeling; but of course, in the New 
York City metropolitan area, a regional feeling, as well. I thank the 
gentleman for mentioning that.
  Mr. PALLONE. I thank the gentleman for adding that. He is right, that 
we can even go beyond that. My understanding, I hope I am not wrong, 
was that the plane that went down in Pennsylvania was actually headed 
for California, so there were probably some of the constituents from 
the district of the gentlewoman from California (Ms. Pelosi).
  We know there were even foreign nationals that perished in the World 
Trade Center, so the tragedy was truly not only American in that there 
were so many people from all parts of the country, but even people from 
other parts of the world. This was something that happened not only to 
New York and New Jersey, but to the country and even to the world.
  Mr. Speaker, I include for the Record the article from the New York 
Times of September 9, 2002.
  The article referred to is as follows:

                [From the New York Times, Sept. 9, 2002]

                     Emerging From Cocoon of Grief

                           (By Andrew Jacobs)

       Middletown, N.J., Sept. 6.--Even now, a year after her 
     husband, Louis, disappeared at the World Trade Center, 
     Barbara Minervino struggles with the competing pulls of 
     rejoining the living or remaining curled up in the shelter of 
     her cream yellow ranch home with its comforting memories and 
     distracting mounds of 9/11-related paperwork.
       A photographic shrine to her husband still dominates the 
     living room and she refuses to touch the Yankee ticket stubs 
     and the $15 he left on a nightstand the final evening of his 
     life. But she is also increasingly drawn into the world, both 
     by necessity, and in recent months, the realization that she 
     can survive as a 54-year-old widow with limited skills. ``It 
     devastates me that I was able to live without Lou for the 
     last year,'' she said, sitting in Redheads, a strip-mall 
     restaurant where hundreds of mourners gathered last year 
     after her husband's memorial service. ``I didn't change a 
     light bulb for 29 years. I didn't buy a bedspread without 
     consulting him.''
       In contrast to the unrelieved grimness of the past months, 
     there is now a hint of levity in her voice when she talks 
     about the road ahead. ``I still don't know where I'm going, 
     but I feel like I'm a butterfly about to come out of the 
     cocoon,'' she said. ``With the grace that God gives me, I 
     look forward to October and what my place is in the world.''
       Since losing 36 residents on Sept. 11, this centerless 
     hodgepodge of look-alike ranch homes and waterfront estates 
     has become a national symbol of devastating loss and communal 
     caretaking. Over the past year, Vanity Fair, ``Dateline NBC'' 
     and a score of newspapers discovered that tragedy had 
     transformed this anonymous, disjointed suburb into a model of 
     selfless do-goodism. Local volunteers distributed more than 
     $700,000 in cash and services to the stricken families, and 
     many neighbors, once strangers, delivered home-cooked meals 
     to make sure no grieving survivor would have to cook during 
     those first terrible months. Lawn services, mechanics and 
     plumbers donated their time, ensuring that no one would have 
     to worry about the mundane aspects of suburban living. In a 
     way, this community has discovered itself in its grief. But 
     as it crosses the first anniversary, Middletown, like Mrs. 
     Minervino, is struggling with opposing impulses: the urge to 
     move past the trauma of last September and the need to 
     remember.
       And while both impulses have enormous force, both the 
     individuals and the town seem intent, finally, on moving on. 
     ``Some days, I just want a normal life like other women,'' 
     said Kristen Breitweiser, who lost her husband, Ronald. ``I 
     want to go food shopping. I want to bake an apple pie. I 
     don't want to be a 9/11 widow for the rest of my life.'' Of 
     course, Sept. 11 this year will be more about looking back 
     than looking forward. By 8:46 on Wednesday morning, when the 
     bells begin to toll at St. Mary's Roman Catholic Church, the 
     camera crews from MSNBC, CBS and Australian television will 
     already be broadcasting live, showcasing this township's 
     resilience in the face of excruciating loss. Shopping malls 
     will fly their flags at half-staff, police officers will 
     shroud their badges in black and residents will gather for 
     commemorative events at a fishing pier, a half-dozen churches 
     and the Middletown train station, where township officials 
     will break ground on a four-acre park honoring the local 
     residents who died.
       ``Not an hour goes by when you don't think about it,'' said 
     the police chief, John Pollinger, choking on emotion as he 
     pulled his car into a drive-through teller. ``I think all of 
     us here have been changed, changed forever.''
       But neither patriotism nor civic boosterism can stop the 
     intrusions of daily life. Mounting job losses have taken a 
     toll on many families. The battle over a proposed megamall, 
     dormant in the first few months after the terror attacks, has 
     reignited with more fury than before. And although a 
     tentative contract agreement reached Thursday means schools 
     opened without labor strife, there is lingering bitterness 
     from an ugly strike in December that sent 228 instructors to 
     jail. Since then, more than 100 teachers, about one-eighth of 
     the district's total, have left the community for other jobs 
     or early retirement. The district's embattled superintendent 
     moved on as well. ``There are deep and painful wounds that no 
     glossing over, no platitudes, can undo,'' said the union's 
     president, Diane Swaim, a middle school teacher who has lived 
     here most of her life.
       While many families say the public outpouring of kindness 
     helped them endure a

[[Page 16617]]

     nightmarish year, they recognize that the unlimited 
     benevolence cannot last forever. The meals stopped coming 
     with the onset of summer, when many families went away on 
     vacation, and several women said they have sensed a waning 
     tolerance for outward displays of grief. ``After a very long 
     year, people expect us to move on, to get on, to try to live 
     life,'' Mrs. Minervino said.
       To many family members, moving forward remains painful. 
     Brittany Chevalier, 16, who lost her 26-year-old brother, 
     Swede, worries that school administrators and teachers will 
     no longer make allowances for the days she is too distraught 
     to come to school or too upset to complete an assignment. 
     ``They were understanding on the six-month anniversary, and 
     they'll understand if I don't come to school on Sept. 11,'' 
     she said, ``but they'll start to think I'm being ridiculous 
     when the year-and-a-half anniversary arrives. I guess I'm 
     afraid people are just going to forget and that the world 
     will just go back to normal.''
       But the pull toward moving on is the dominant impulse, even 
     for the bereaved. During the past year, Patricia Wotton was 
     so distracted by grief she became emotionally detached from 
     her two children, Dorothea, nearly 3, and Rod, who is named 
     for his father, who died a week before he was born. ``It was 
     too painful interacting with them,'' she said, ``It reminded 
     me of what I lost. Besides, I was so focused on breathing.''
       Over time, Dorothea began to act out aggressively, much of 
     it directed at her fragile brother, who was born prematurely 
     and spent his first month in intensive care. Last month, 
     Dorothea's therapist warned that Ms. Wotton's inattention was 
     compounding her daughter's trauma. It was those blunt words, 
     Ms. Wotton said, that helped her cross an invisible line.
       In a burst of activity, she opened her backyard swimming 
     pool, planted some tomato plants in the garden that was once 
     her husband's domain and started to talk baby talk to her 
     son. She even visited ground zero, which helped her realize 
     that her husband was really, truly gone. ``I saw where the 
     south tower was and finally understood he couldn't have 
     survived such hatred,'' she said.
       In an outgrowth of her newfound strength, she has begun a 
     campaign aimed at winning extended health coverage from her 
     husband's former employer, Fiduciary Trust, which plans to 
     cut off all medical benefits in December. Last month she 
     appeared with Diane Sawyer on ABC's ``Primetime Thursday,'' 
     and now other networks are clamoring for an appearance. ``I 
     have this big open wound, but it's starting to form a tiny 
     scab,'' she said. ``I still feel the pain, but I'm doing what 
     my husband would have expected of me.''
       For Elaine Chevalier, Brittany's mother, the journey back 
     to everyday life has been powered by the earthly distractions 
     of work and the spiritual nourishment that comes from intense 
     faith. Those first catatonic months have given way to busy 
     days managing commercial real estate in and around 
     Middletown. But Ms. Chevalier says her true salvation has 
     been her church and its support group. The crystallizing 
     moment came one night last year in a dream, which featured 
     Swede, the angel Raphael and her son's yellow Labrador 
     retriever, Holly, who had also just died. ``I'm trying to 
     heal by thinking about my son in a different way, trying to 
     think of him as a spiritual being,'' she said, sitting in the 
     family's soaring great room with Brittany by her side. 
     ``Sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't cut it.''
       As she crosses the one-year mark, Ms. Chevalier believes 
     she is entering a new phase of her life, one marked by self-
     reliance. (She is also seeking a divorce from her husband of 
     30 years). ``The community has been so wonderful to us,'' she 
     said, ``but people can't feel sorry for us and cater to us 
     forever.''
       It has been a busy year for the dozens of volunteers who 
     came together to spoil the grieving families of Middletown. 
     Besides raising $200,000 in cash, the group, Favor, made sure 
     every family received overflowing gift baskets to mark 
     Thanksgiving, Christmas, the depths of winter and the 
     beginning of summer.
       In June, the group decided it had done its job, and 
     announced that it would disband. Several of the organizers, 
     who set aside work and the demands of family, said it was 
     time to return to their former lives. But Favor will not be 
     fading away any time soon. The renewed flood of news media 
     attention that began in recent weeks has sparked a fresh 
     round of philanthropy, including that of a Texas millionaire 
     who has offered scholarships to the 61 children who lost a 
     parent last September.
       At the very least, Allyson Gilbert, the group's executive 
     director, said she and others have decided to put together 
     one more gift basket, something small and simple, perhaps a 
     tray of home-baked cookies crowned by a teddy bear. The 
     baskets, she said, will probably arrive a week or two after 
     Sept. 11, when the commemorative events and televised 
     anniversary specials are through.
       ``They don't need us to deliver these huge food baskets or 
     big checks anymore,'' she said. ``I think they just need a 
     reminder that we're thinking about them, that we have not 
     forgotten, and that we're not going to go away.''

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