[Congressional Record Volume 170, Number 141 (Wednesday, September 11, 2024)]
[House]
[Page H5187]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




                    DREADED SCOURGE OF PORCH PIRATES

  (Ms. PORTER asked and was given permission to address the House for 1 
minute and to revise and extend her remarks.)
  Ms. PORTER. Mr. Speaker, ahoy gentlefolk of the high seas of 
legislation. We gather `round to speak of a matter that plagues our 
shores and threatens our treasures: the dreaded scourge of porch 
pirates.
  Aye, these scallywags who plunder packages from doorsteps are a 
blight upon our communities, a menace to honest folks awaiting their 
rightful booty.
  But fear not, for Congress spots justice on the horizon: the Porch 
Pirates Act. This mighty bill preserves our treasure and brings justice 
to those who dare to steal what is not rightfully theirs.
  No longer shall we be at the mercy of porch pirates. Under this noble 
act, thieves will face fines or even a stretch in the brig.
  Muster up, fellow congressional sailors. Let's pass the Porch Pirates 
Act so honest folk can rest assured that their treasures are safe from 
those who would plunder 'em.

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