[Congressional Record Volume 163, Number 21 (Tuesday, February 7, 2017)]
[Extensions of Remarks]
[Pages E164-E165]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




                    JOHN BRESLER UNION LEADER OP-ED

                                 ______
                                 

                           HON. ANN M. KUSTER

                            of new hampshire

                    in the house of representatives

                       Tuesday, February 7, 2017

  Ms. KUSTER of New Hampshire. Mr. Speaker, I include in the Record an 
op-ed by John Bresler as published in the New Hampshire Union Leader.


        Another View--Jon Bresler: Reaching out can save a life

     [Editor's Note: Throughout the year, in partnership with 
     Change Direction NH, the Union Leader is publishing a monthly 
     series of mental health stories written by Granite Staters.]
       The phone was ringing off the hook. It stopped before I 
     could get it, then started again. It was 4:15 a.m., and I 
     stumbled in the dark to pick it up. It was the local police 
     dispatcher saying ``an officer was outside.'' She would not 
     tell me why. With my heart beating fast, I grabbed a coat and 
     went out in the icy driveway. The young officers had to tell 
     us that our 20-year-old Nat had laid down in front of an 
     Amtrak and been killed. Shock set in that reverberates still. 
     It hit to the core of being. I could not breathe right and 
     started panting.
       Nathaniel was a super kid, the last you'd suspect was in 
     trouble. He got good grades, had many friends. He was 
     handsome and competitive. He loved music, and had 11,000 
     songs on his Mac. A senior walk-on, he won a game ball in the 
     state semis, and the state lacrosse title in 2009. He worked 
     in the admissions department at George Mason University and 
     had recently attended the ``Academic Impact'' conference at 
     the U.N., meeting the Secretary General in New York. At GMIJ, 
     he was co-founder of Habitat for Humanity. He transferred to 
     the University of New Hampshire as a second-semester 
     sophomore, with more than enough credits to be a junior.
       What happened? His life was racing through my mind, but 
     nothing made sense.
       I had to tell my wife, call his brother, my siblings and 
     his grandmothers. Numbly then my wife and I drove to Durham. 
     We met the chief, who gave us Nat's driver's license and 
     keys. That was it. No body. No goodbyes, no nothing. 
     Emptiness. How could this be happening?
       They kept his phone. It took a few days to identify him. He 
     was definitely listening to music at the end. He left notes 
     for us and some friends. He paid a friend back a loan of $10 
     from the night before. He indicated what was deeply troubling 
     him. He lost faith in the world, and his ability to function 
     in it.
       He was clinically depressed, but undiagnosed. He expressed 
     what most suicides have in common, a feeling of hopelessness. 
     We believe if he could have confided in a friend, girlfriend, 
     a counselor or therapist, and unburdened himself, he might 
     have controlled the impulse in the moment. Maybe that he 
     could have kept going. Was there no warning--nothing in his 
     life--that anyone noticed? You may well wonder. I hoped 
     someone would come forward, but no one ever did. It was a 
     mystery to us all.
       Death is traumatic. The death of a child is very traumatic. 
     The unexpected suicide of one's child, off the charts. It 
     felt like he had been murdered violently, but he was also the 
     perpetrator.
       Survivors of child suicide have marked increases in drug 
     and alcohol abuse, depression and divorce, and significantly, 
     increased risks of suicide. We have learned the value of 
     professional help. At first you want to die, rather than 
     accept the reality. Hearing that our son had committed 
     suicide was the hardest thing I ever experienced and living 
     every day since has been a struggle.
       Whether is it opioid addiction, PTSD, undiagnosed 
     depression, all can lead to overdoses, suicide, and 
     unnecessary death. Increasing access to care, and removing 
     stigma from the culture surrounding mental illness should be 
     the goal.
       A common theme in suicide is ``to not want to become a 
     burden.'' Let's learn to reach out, and not walk away when we 
     know. Talk about it, offer hope. It can save a life. Commit 
     to the goals of Change Direction NH.
       Learn the signs, learn to reach out, and know better how to 
     help when someone is in trouble. Let them know that you know 
     what it's like to be suffering from depression.
       I cannot underscore for survivors like us, the importance 
     of a good counselor. A professional who treats numerous 
     people can offer new methods and ways of thinking about 
     problems.
       The analogy to me is mountain climbing. That mountain will 
     be there every day, and I have to climb it. Therapy offers 
     better tools.
       In my experience, we place too much emphasis on our 
     student's scores and grades, but nowhere near enough on them 
     as people, with human needs. We can help them relate to their 
     problems better by creating a space where it is encouraged 
     for them to talk openly about things that bother them.
       Let us do a better job recognizing how hard it is to be 
     young today.
       Thank you for reading and letting me tell our story. I hope 
     someone reads this, and gets help.

[[Page E165]]

       Let's change direction on mental health. That would be a 
     great thing!
     --Jon Bresler is a small business owner who lives in Concord.

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