[Congressional Record Volume 144, Number 118 (Wednesday, September 9, 1998)]
[Extensions of Remarks]
[Page E1661]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




                         ``BILL OF NO RIGHTS''

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                        HON. JOHN J. DUNCAN, JR.

                              of tennessee

                    in the house of representatives

                      Wednesday, September 9, 1998

  Mr. DUNCAN. Mr. Speaker, one of my constituents, Mr. Robert Koehl, 
brought to my attention the following article, ``Bill of No Rights,'' 
by Jon Jenson.
  This column expresses in a very plain, down-to-earth, articulate way 
the feelings of millions of American citizens.
  I would like to call it to the attention of my colleagues and other 
readers of the Record.

                           Bill of No Rights

       Note: Submitted by a reader, the following document 
     deserves consideration in these victim-oriented times.
       We the people of the United States, in an attempt to help 
     everyone get along, restore justice, preserve domestic 
     tranquility, promote positive behavior and secure the 
     blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our 
     grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and 
     establish some common-sense guidelines for the terminally 
     whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional, victim-wanna-bes and 
     grievance gurus.
       We hold these truths to be self-evident: That a whole lot 
     of people are dreadfully confused by the Bill of Rights, and 
     could benefit from a ``Bill of No Rights.''
       ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big 
     screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if 
     you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing 
     anything.
       ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. 
     This country is based on freedom for everyone--not just you! 
     You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different 
     opinion, etc., but always remember the world is full of 
     offensive idiots.
       ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from 
     harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be 
     more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you 
     and all your relatives independently wealthy.
       ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and 
     housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be 
     found, and will gladly help those in need, but many are 
     growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of 
     professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the 
     creation of another generation of professional couch 
     potatoes.
       ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. 
     That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, 
     health care is not a high priority.
       ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm 
     other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill 
     someone, don't be surprised if others want to see you fry in 
     the electric chair.
       ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions 
     of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or 
     services of your neighbors, don't be surprised if others get 
     together and lock you away.
       ARTICLE VIII: You don't have the right to demand that our 
     children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your 
     aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments. However, 
     Americans do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not 
     want to spend so much of their time and resources squabbling 
     with each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and 
     a funny hat.
       ARTICLE IX: You don't have the right to a job. Everyone 
     wants you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard 
     times, but we expect you to take advantage of the 
     opportunities of education and vocational training available 
     to you, and to make yourself useful and productive.
       ARTICLE X: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an 
     American means that you have the right to pursue happiness, 
     which--by the way--is a lot easier if you are not encumbered 
     by an overabundance of idiotic laws created by those who are 
     confused by the original Bill of Rights.

     

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