[Congressional Record Volume 144, Number 111 (Friday, August 7, 1998)]
[Extensions of Remarks]
[Pages E1620-E1621]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




THOMAS AND MIRIAM RYAN: A CELEBRATION OF THEIR 40TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

                                 ______
                                 

                         HON. JAMES L. OBERSTAR

                              of minnesota

                    in the house of representatives

                        Thursday, August 6, 1998

  Mr. OBERSTAR. Mr. Speaker, anniversaries are special, treasured 
milestones in life, a time to gather family, friends, and loved ones to 
remember, re-live, rejoice and to share. One such special milestone was 
the celebration of the fortieth wedding anniversary of Tom and Miriam 
Ryan, on July 25, 1998, in Pine City, Minnesota.
  Dozens of Tom and Miriam's friends joined their 82 children, 
grandchildren, and great-grandchildren for a spiritually uplifting mass 
at Immaculate Conception Church in Pine City and a joyous reception--
lunch at the Rock Creek City Center, to re-live and remember. Tom and 
Miriam's inspiring forty years together.
  I have known and loved this special couple and their beautiful family 
for over thirty years, and felt very privileged to participate in their 
remarkable festivity. I was profoundly moved by the outpouring of love 
and joy from all who shared with Tom and Miriam their anniversary, 
whose spirituality and majesty were best summed up in Fr. Michael J. 
Lyons' homily and the children's Tribute, both delivered at the mass, 
and which I ask unanimous consent to include in the Record, in the 
expectation that Americans everywhere will be ennobled and inspired by 
Tom and Miriam Ryan's beautiful example of life together.

 Homily for the Fortieth Wedding Anniversary of Thomas and Miriam Ryan 
 Immaculate Conception Catholic Church, Pine City, Minnesota, July 25, 
                                  1998

       Forty years together in a union so time-prone as that of 
     marriage calls for a special sort of celebration. And for 
     once time is not the enemy but the celebration.
       The combined ages of those gathered here is testament to 
     the influence of the union of Tom and Miriam that took place 
     forty years ago. Their previous marriages to spouses who 
     predeceased their present union and whose memory they 
     continue to cherish, along with the large number of children 
     to whom they have given life and love, suggest that this 
     fortieth anniversary is neither silver or golden, it must 
     surely be considered platinum. And as is the case in the 
     mining and processing of precious metals, the years have 
     given Tom and Miriam their share of Gethsemane to remove the 
     dross of selfishness and produce the kind of union they have 
     achieved. All things considered, time has assayed their 
     marriage and has marked it as genuine.
       A fortieth wedding anniversary reminds us that the marriage 
     covenant is not an instant achievement. As we say, the 
     wedding may be for a day but the marriage is for a lifetime. 
     Marriage calls for love, forgiveness, sacrifice, loyalty, 
     faith and courage in shaping these virtues and through them 
     the ongoing work in progress.
       We live in an age however, when it is all too easy to 
     forget the constant faithfulness of the heart and the single-
     minded dedication that are needed to arrive at this hour of 
     recognition and acclaim. Instant food and communications, the 
     immediate availability of so many consumer goods, masks the 
     care and well-planned preparation and personal attention that 
     the union of marriage demands. French fries are a long way 
     from the care and preparation that mashed potatoes need. And 
     cell-phones do not replace the time and companionship that 
     the friendship and intimacy of marriage requires. And I 
     might add, no one can replace parents in the task of 
     forming children in the values that ultimately matter.
       Incidentally, my personal experience of Miriam's cuisine is 
     surely symbolic in the truest sense of the self-giving that 
     is so characteristic of her marriage to Tom, most notably 
     during his recent illness. I cherish the memory of the Sunday 
     brunches at their home in Pine City, the silver cutlery, the 
     linen and fine delft, the overall ambiance but most 
     especially the food prepared and arranged with the touch of 
     the excellent visual artist that she is, and always in the 
     tradition of French cooking of course. Considering which, the 
     notion of ``french fries'' does seem to be a contradiction in 
     terms!
       Tom's dedication to Miriam too is a noteworthy as his 
     compassion as a lawyer and politician for the poor and those 
     who suffer injustice in any way. This compassion of his does 
     not flow only from the genetic heritage of his revered uncle 
     Monsignor John A. Ryan. An unrequited democrat--the Minnesota 
     kind--Tom Ryan's concern flows also from his unwavering 
     commitment to the preferential place which the poor are meant 
     to enjoy in the mission and ministry of the Catholic Church, 
     most especially perhaps here in America. Something which the 
     Church needs to reconsider in its list of priorities 
     frequently.
       In any case, keeping in mind that marriage is always a work 
     of grace in progress, we are celebrating what is hopefully 
     some experience of Mount Tabor for Tom and Miriam on this 
     their fortieth anniversary.
       In this regard, I am reminded of another anniversary I was 
     privileged to celebrate with my parents some seven years ago, 
     a moment of quiet wonder and thankfulness for them and for 
     every member of the family involved. I remember especially 
     the way in which my parents seemed to be tolerantly amused by 
     all the fuss, sensing at times our tendency to celebrate them 
     as trophies. After all their love did survive the raising of 
     myself! Behind their bemusement however, I sensed a secret 
     quality to their happiness that not even their children could 
     know, but which they would hopefully discover in their own 
     marriages in due course; a subject of their constant prayer I 
     suspect.
       Children it seems nearly always think of their parents as 
     existing only from the time they have known them. Like my 
     parents however, Tom and Miriam share times and secrets and 
     memories that are theirs and only theirs. In Yeats' words 
     they too: . . . have found the best that life can give,/ 
     Companionship in those mysterious things/ That make a man's 
     soul or a woman's soul/ Itself and not some other soul.
       And so, Miriam and Tom, in the words of Paul to the 
     Corinthians--one of our chosen Scriptures for your 
     anniversary--because of the patience and kindness of your 
     mutual love, its humility and forgiveness, your care and 
     compassion for your families and for all of us, we know that 
     the ageless Christ is with us here, joyful too over all that 
     his grace and presence have worked in you. That miracle is 
     surely encouragement and assurance to younger couples--and 
     God knows they need it--that His grace is always sufficient 
     to the fulfillment of their desires and dreams. Certainly, as 
     the Gospel of John suggests, you have proven yourselves as 
     Christ's special friends. You have been faithful to His trust 
     and to each other's.
       We celebrate you and we bless you!. Rev. Michael J. Lyons, 
     Pastor.
                                  ____


                          Tribute to Mom & Dad

       Once upon a time there was a widowed man with five 
     children; they called him dad; and a widowed woman with seven 
     children they called mom.
       On October 4, 1958 they got married; soon there were two 
     more children, becoming a blended family of 16. Through a lot 
     of faith, dedication, hard work and love, the family thrived.
       We are here today to celebrate the union of these two 
     people and the beautiful example

[[Page E1621]]

     of love and family which is their legacy. There were 14 
     children, and so far 40 grandchildren and 31 great 
     grandchildren. One son, one grandson and one great 
     granddaughter are here with us in the spirit of peace and 
     love from heaven above.
       Mom is known for her gourmet meals that always includes 
     dessert and a table set for royalty even night designated as 
     ``must go'', which means everything in the refrigerator must 
     go. These meals boasted of concoctions fit for kings and the 
     presentations always to match.
       Grocery shopping was always a major ordeal. Dad and Mary 
     would often times go together--filling two or more grocery 
     carts brimming full. Trying to find places for it all at home 
     was much like the politics we were thrown into. They shopped 
     liberally and had to put it away conservatively.
       Speaking of politics, life with dad is always politically 
     charged. I'm not sure if it's because he's a lawyer, his 
     strong Irish Heritage, or he just loves talking. The more 
     controversial and politically charged the better.
       There were always parades to walk with stickers and 
     brochures to hand out, door knocking campaigns for dad or 
     some other worthy candidate. It was expected of us much like 
     a farmer expecting his children to help out on the farm.
       A family our size has required us to cooperate, share and 
     be creative. Family vacations and rides in the car were a 
     real test of that. ``It's my turn to sit by the window, 
     you're touching me, or you're in my space'' were common 
     grumblings ending up in pinching matches and angry words. 
     Long trips required a cooler of sandwiches and beverages 
     eating in the car on a stop at a roadside picnic area. 
     Sleeping in the care required further division of the minimal 
     car space. Two got the floor usually by screaming dibs first! 
     That was a real treat because you had twice the room of the 3 
     or 4 sitting behind you on the seat. But if you got pushy or 
     crabby you ended up in the front seat with mom and dad--that 
     was really bad. By the way dad, you can get a smaller car 
     now.
       When we thought things were tough or unfair for us mom 
     always told us ``offer it up and you'll go straight to 
     heaven''. You can guess how much credence that held with five 
     6 to 13 year-olds. Then there was the now famous saying of 
     mom's when we would say something she thought was really dumb 
     . . . ``Don't talk like a sausage''. To give you an idea of 
     the incredible wisdom we held as children we never questioned 
     that saying. Only as an adult did I wonder how a sausage 
     sounded and how stupid we were to believe a sausage talked.
       Weekend trips often include a caravan of family cars 
     following our leader, Dad. He drives fast so he's hard to 
     keep up with, but you can always count on catching up to him 
     because he most often makes a Dairy Queen stop . . . his car 
     seems to smell them out. He never hears a single complaint.
       Through the years mom tried to find ways to help with the 
     clothing needs of so many young teenage girls. There was 
     Beeline home clothing partyshows . . . no need to hire a 
     model, all she had to do was bribe me with new clothes. 
     Actually I loved doing it! The Chic Shoppe came later. A 
     dream of mom's. A women's brand name clothing store with 
     sizes to fit women and teens. What a boon for the four teen 
     girls at the time. I think it was more a dream for us than 
     for her; though she kept a good handle on her inventory.
       Dad is always one to be in the forefront of technology, 
     first in the neighborhood to get a color tv, vcr, or 
     videocassette recorder. I often wonder how such an 
     intelligent person can be so electronically progressive and 
     not have a clue on how to keep his tv remote control 
     programmed or run his telephone answering machine. But then 
     there is a time for everything and maybe that's one reason 
     why he has so many children.
       Leisure activities always included games for the whole 
     family. Evening ping pong matches were common, as were card 
     games for those deemed able. You knew you came of age in this 
     family when you were included in the weekend card games, buck 
     eucker, hearts and bridge, to name of a few. This was the 
     true passing into adulthood!
       Dad, you have continued to inspire your children through 
     your example of lifelong learning, and many of us have 
     stepped forward to follow in your steps and have sought and 
     gotten degrees as adults.
       Mom, your appreciation of art and the beauty you alone are 
     able to create on paper and canvas makes it a joy. To see 
     your newest creations puts such pride in our hearts. Some of 
     your children and grandchildren have been blessed with your 
     artful talent. We see the beauty in life because of you!
       Experiences both good and bad have a part in shaping who we 
     each are and have become. Thank you, mom and dad, for loving 
     each other in sickness and in health, through good and bad, 
     and for living life to the fullest. You have laid both the 
     foundation of life, as a married couple, and our strong 
     family values. You can be proud!
       As dad always says, ``It's hard to be humble when you're 
     perfect in every way''. Isn't it?

     

                          ____________________