[Congressional Record Volume 144, Number 5 (Tuesday, February 3, 1998)]
[Extensions of Remarks]
[Pages E69-E70]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




                  LETTER FROM GREAT-UNCLE SAM McMANIS

                                 ______
                                 

                         HON. DAVID M. McINTOSH

                               of indiana

                    in the house of representatives

                       Tuesday, February 3, 1998

  Mr. McINTOSH. Mr. Speaker, On October 23, 1997, my wife Ruthie and I 
were blessed with God's greatest gift--our daughter Ellie Jenkins 
McIntosh.
  Words can not express the joy and happiness our little Ellie has 
brought to our lives. Since her birth our friends and family have sent 
us so many wonderful letters. Letters that touched our hearts. Letters 
that we will save for Ellie to read one day.
  One letter, from Ruthie's Uncle Sam McManis especially warmed and 
touched our hearts. I know Sam as a quiet father who loves his family 
and with his wonderful wife Kathy have raised two wonderful children. 
But Sam also tells me that when he was growing up he was a handful for 
his parents. Perhaps that has given him a special perspective as a 
parent.
  As new parents ourselves, Ruthie and I found his advice on raising 
and loving Ellie made sense, so we decided to share Sam's letter with 
my colleagues and the American people.

                                                 November 16, 1997
       My dear Ruthie, David and Eli, Congratulations on your new 
     arrival!! Welcome to the family, Eli! Having heard your cry, 
     I love you already!
       What a treat to have such a nice, long conversation with 
     you, Ruthie, just a few days after having a pleasant evening 
     with you, David. You two are pretty cool. I wish we could 
     spend more time together. During our conversation, Ruthie, 
     you asked for my advice on child rearing. Here are some of my 
     thoughts on the subject, most of which I learned by watching 
     closely and trying to remember what she did while the premier 
     nurturer, your wonderful Aunt Kathy, has worked her magic on 
     our children. She always seems to know the right thing to say 
     and do at the moment.
       My first piece of advice is to talk to Kathy and your mom a 
     lot, because they are both experts on the subject of raising 
     great kids, and they each have tangible results to prove it.
       Enjoy your children while they are growing up. They grow up 
     too fast, regardless of how slow the moment is passing while 
     they are driving you crazy. As my mother is fond of saying, 
     ``This, too, shall pass.'' Avery and Parke grew up too 
     quickly and my memories of their childhood are already 
     fading, which makes me sad. Those were special times for all 
     four of us.
       Love your children unconditionally. Help them understand 
     that there is nothing they can do that is so horrible that 
     you will stop loving them and that you love them so much that 
     you would die for them, just like Jesus loved us so much he 
     died for us on the cross.
       Patience with your children will make being parents (and 
     being your kids) more enjoyable.
       When Eli is crying and refuses to stop and you are at the 
     point that you feel like you are going to explode, put her in 
     the crib, walk out of the room, close the door and get away 
     from her until you calm down. It won't hurt her to spend some 
     time alone in her crib screaming while you go get a grip or 
     get someone else to take over for a while. I had an 
     experience with Avery at four weeks old when she wouldn't 
     stop crying. While I didn't do anything to harm her, the 
     feelings that welled up inside of me were pretty scary.
       Do Eli and yourselves a huge favor and have at least one 
     more child, maybe three or four years later, like you and Rob 
     or Avery and Parke.
       Keep Eli's baby book and photo album up to date. At least 
     have these for Eli's little brother or sister, even if there 
     is nothing in them but a few recipes!
       You and David need to ask yourselves now what traits you 
     want your children to have as adults, then spend the next 18 
     years helping them to develop these traits. Make your day to 
     day experiences with your children reinforce these traits. 
     Here are some examples:
       If you want to be first in your child's life, make your 
     child first in your life. There is a lot of truth in the song 
     ``Cat's in the Cradle''. Be interested in Eli's life and 
     listen as she tells you about her experiences. Help her tell 
     you what is going on with her by asking her questions.
       If you want your children to be honest with you, be honest 
     with them. You don't have to tell her all of the truth, but 
     be sure that what you do tell her is the truth. However, 
     children don't have that option, they have to tell you all of 
     the truth, because you are the parents! The longer you can 
     keep them believing this, the better off you will be.
       Show your children how to be forgiving by forgiving them 
     when they make mistakes and ask for their forgiveness when 
     you make mistakes. It is pretty humbling to ask a four

[[Page E70]]

     year old for forgiveness, and joyful to receive because they 
     give it so freely.
       If you want your children to be able to get along with 
     others, put them where they can learn some social skills 
     early in their lives. Avery and Parke were both in day care 
     for a few hours each day by the time each of them had turned 
     two. We feel like this is one reason they are both so 
     comfortable around other people.
       If you want Eli to be an independent thinker, let her learn 
     how to make her own decisions.
       If you want Eli to be respectful of her and demand that she 
     be respectful of you. I remember one Sunday when my dad was 
     out of town and my mother was left sitting out in the car for 
     longer than she should have when we got home from church 
     because the three of us boys all made a mad dash to the house 
     for dinner. It was pretty funny, and also pretty impressive, 
     when we all looked out the front window and saw her still 
     sitting out in the car, waiting for one of her ``gentlemen'' 
     to open the car door for her and help her out of the car. She 
     didn't have to say a word to teach us that lesson.
       If you want Eli to be an assertive adult, don't crush her 
     spirit when she is a belligerent child. Deal with the problem 
     behavior without destroying the child. When you do have to 
     reprimand her, attack the behavior and not the child. When 
     Eli does something stupid, and she will on a regular basis, 
     don't say, ``Eli, you're pretty stupid to do that!!'' Rather, 
     say, ``Eli, I just don't understand how such a bright kid can 
     do something so dumb!''
       If you want your children to have inner strength, give them 
     some inner muscle. Take them to church and Sunday School. 
     Talk to them about Christian faith and values. Teach them, by 
     your examples, that they should stand up for the things that 
     are right.
       If you want your child to be good at managing money when 
     she grows up, start teaching her early by giving her an 
     allowance that she can spend any way she wants to, even if 
     you think she is throwing the money away. Over time, she will 
     learn how to make good financial decisions. Better to make 
     bad financial decisions while spending dimes than dollars.
       Impress upon your children that they never get a second 
     chance to make a first impression.
       Kathy's first rule in the classroom is ``Be Considerate'' 
     and it pretty much covers all of the behavioral situations 
     that arise. It's a pretty good rule in the home, too.
       Children don't come with an instruction manual. You spent 
     18+ years getting the education you needed to cope in life 
     and pursue a career. View child rearing as another 18 year 
     continuing education project. There are many good books on 
     child development, how to raise a brighter child, how to deal 
     with a strong willed child and how to parent children more 
     effectively.
       While we are talking about education, we feel it is 
     important to spend whatever it takes to get your children the 
     best education possible from Pre-Kindergarten on up. The 
     second largest line item in our family budget for 14 years, 
     right after our house note, was St. Andrew's School tuition. 
     It has cost us a bundle getting Avery and Parke through St. 
     Andrew's, and it has been worth every penny.
       If you suspect that something is going on in another room 
     that you might not approve of, you might want to use my 
     mother's method of dealing with it. She would stomp her way 
     up the stairs, making sure we had plenty of time to quit 
     doing what we were doing, before she came in the room. She 
     seldom caught us doing bad stuff as a result.
       If you do catch your children doing stuff, try to catch 
     them doing stuff right so you can praise them for it. Kids 
     would rather get positive strokes from you than negative 
     ones, but they will take bad strokes over no strokes at all, 
     and may act up intentionally just to get some attention from 
     you if they feel like you are ignoring them.
       Get to know your children's friends and their parents by 
     getting involved at school, church and other activities such 
     as Scouting, especially as they grow older.
       My children have taught me a great deal about love, 
     acceptance, humility, joy, forgiveness and enjoying simple 
     pleasures. I also have come to view Kathy very differently 
     since we have shared the task of raising our children 
     together, Not only is she my wife of almost twenty eight 
     years (Dang, that's a long time!) that I have grown to love 
     deeply for the special person she is, but she is also the 
     mother of my children.
       Kathy and I used to joke about all of the dangling 
     conversations we had that got interrupted in mid-sentence by 
     a child's crisis. We seem to have more time to talk now 
     without interruption, and could finish those conversations, 
     but now I can't remember what they were about.
       We are all really excited about Eli's arrival. We look 
     forward to holding her and getting acquainted with her. We 
     may just have to make a trip to Muncie or Washington over 
     Spring Break next March, if that is convenient for you. 
     Having Eli at the family reunion in 2001 is going to add a 
     new dimension of excitement to our group!! It is going to be 
     fun sharing in your baby stories and watching your family 
     grow. You will both be such good parents! Kathy and I hope 
     your parenting experience will be as joyful as ours has been.
           I love you all,
                                                              Sam.

     

                          ____________________