[Congressional Record Volume 142, Number 136 (Friday, September 27, 1996)]
[House]
[Page H11573]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




     THIRTEEN INDICATORS THAT IT'S TIME TO LEAVE THE U.S. CONGRESS

  The SPEAKER pro tempore. Under a previous order of the House, the 
gentleman from Missouri [Mr. Hancock] is recognized for 5 minutes.
  Mr. HANCOCK. Mr. Speaker, this probably is the last opportunity that 
I will ever have to speak on the House floor of the United States 
Congress. You know that is restricted to only Members of Congress, and 
we are going to be adjourning shortly, and I am not coming back next 
year. After 8 years of representing the voters in the seventh district 
in the U.S. Congress, I am voluntarily leaving.
  I would like to take this opportunity specifically to thank the staff 
of the House floor that have extended me outstanding courtesy and also 
for their dedication to this great institution called the United States 
Congress.
  I said 8 years ago I would only ask the voters to elect me for four 
terms, if they decided to do so, and even though the Republicans are 
now in the majority and I have had the opportunity to serve on what I 
think is the greatest committee in the United States Congress, the 
Committee on Ways and Means, I am still going to keep my word and go 
back to the private sector and my home in southwest Missouri.
  Fewer than 12,000 people have ever served in the United States House 
of Representatives, and I am honored that the people of southwest 
Missouri trusted their vote to me over the past 8 years.
  A few days ago, I sat down and made a list of 13 indicators that it 
is time to leave the United States Congress. Possibly some of my 
colleagues and some of the Members of Congress in the future might take 
note of the indicators of when it is time to leave the United States 
Congress:
  No. 1, when the news media slants a story making you look good.
  No. 2, when you start attending more funerals than weddings.
  No. 3, when campaign contributors start asking you for money for 
their favorite charity.
  No. 4, when Washington cab drivers seem to be speaking English.
  No. 5, when airport attendants start offering you a wheelchair.
  No. 6, when the debate on the House floor starts making sense.
  No. 7, when handling a bill means something other than paying it.
  No. 8, when you cannot remember whether it costs millions or 
billions.
  No. 9, when your next-door neighbor back home asks your wife what you 
do for a living.
  No. 10, when you start believing you can balance a budget by only 
spending 5 percent more of your income instead of 10 percent more.
  No. 11, when the National Rifle Association notifies you it is time 
to renew your lifetime membership.
  No. 12, when you ask your wife for unanimous consent to revise and 
extend your remarks and she objects.
  No. 13, and this one is actually more serious than a lot of people 
realize, when your grandchildren start calling you Congressman instead 
of Grandpa.
  It has been a great privilege to serve in the United States Congress, 
and I am going to go home and be grandpa to my nine grandchildren.

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