[Congressional Record Volume 142, Number 53 (Tuesday, April 23, 1996)]
[House]
[Page H3665]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




                              ERMA BOMBECK

  The SPEAKER pro tempore. Under the Speaker's announced policy of May 
12, 1995, the gentlewoman from Colorado [Mrs. Schroeder] is recognized 
during morning business for 2\1/2\ minutes.
  Mrs. SCHROEDER. Mr. Speaker, while I am all in favor of raising the 
minimum wage, I take the floor today to salute a wonderful woman whose 
loss I will certainly, certainly feel, and I think all American women 
will, whether they are getting the minimum wage or whether they are 
working at home with no wage. Erma Bombeck's loss will really go to the 
heart of all of us. The laughter that we will lose because of her death 
really seems very sad.
  Mr. Speaker, Erma Bombeck made us laugh about all of the things that 
we live with every day: husbands' socks having so much fuzz on them you 
have to shave them, the green fuzz in the refrigerator that people kept 
asking about and then you were clearly trying to grow your own 
penicillin, all the problems you have with children who get dressed in 
the morning in some outfit that really looked more like a costume and 
you were afraid that somebody would think the child had been drinking 
before they even got to school.
  The problems and the advice that she had for all of us that were so 
terribly important. She taught me one thing that was very critical; 
that was never loan a car to anyone you gave birth to. That was very 
good advice. And you should never have more children than you have car 
windows in an automobile. It prevents so many fights.
  She also went on to tell us all the things about men and watching 
football. She really thought that there should be a law in this country 
that, if men watched more than 16 consecutive quarters of football, 
they should be declared legally dead. I think that there was some 
accuracy in that, too.
  Yes, Erma Bombeck was a person who, even though she became very, very 
ill and her transplant finally got her and claimed her life, she never 
stopped laughing. She never stopped making us laugh. She saw the 
beautiful wit and wisdom in everyday life. So many of us sometimes try 
to escape everyday life, but she showed us the poetry in it, the 
philosophy in it and the fun we should all have with it every single 
day. So her incredible uncommon wit will be missed by every single one 
of us. How very much sadder the planet is going to be without her 
penning away about her life as a domestic goddess in Phoenix, AZ.

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