[Congressional Record Volume 142, Number 15 (Monday, February 5, 1996)]
[Extensions of Remarks]
[Pages E148-E150]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Publishing Office [www.gpo.gov]




                              FOUR LETTERS

                                 ______


                       HON. CHRISTOPHER H. SMITH

                             of new jersey

                    in the house of representatives

                       Thursday, February 1, 1996

  Mr. SMITH of New Jersey. Mr. Speaker, tomorrow on February 2, my 
parents, Bern and Kay Smith, will celebrate their 50th wedding 
anniversary. For our family and friends this will be an historic 
milestone filled not only with enormous happiness and joy, but 
gratitude, as well.
  My parents' love for each other, and for my two older brothers and 
me, was always strong, an absolutely sure thing, never in question. 
They always had our best interest at heart. In raising us, we always 
knew they were raising their three sons not just for this life on 
earth, but for eternity with God. The bond of love was strong for their 
own parents, my dad's brother Gil and his daughter Sue--who was like a 
daughter to them and a sister to us--and my mother's nine brothers and 
sisters.
  Conceding up front that mere words are inadequate in expressing the 
depth and breadth of our feelings, mom and dad, here are three letters 
from your three sons
  And mom, a letter from dad.

                 Katherine J. Holl and Bernard H. Smith

       How do we label fifty years of marriage? Is it an event, an 
     achievement, a celebration, a milestone, survival of the 
     fittest, a bit of luck or just plain true love? The answer 
     probably lies somewhere within all of these concepts and 
     more. It is difficult to accurately and to adequately 
     describe my Mom and Dad, Kay and Bern.
       My first recollection of them begins at their wedding in 
     February 1946. I insisted that I attended and can prove it by 
     merely viewing pictures and scenes from their 16mm movie 
     films. Of course the ``me'' was my 12 year old uncle, but 
     nonetheless I continue to assert otherwise.
       Growing up in the Smith home was never dull. Adventure is a 
     good description for those times. Mom and Dad were intimately 
     involved in our lives. Their love nurtured and encouraged 
     without smothering. Reassurance and challenge were always 
     present. They were always there for us. They gave us room to 
     grow and were ready to support and comfort their boys.
       If there is an ideal childhood then certainly we had one. 
     The lessons of life were taught by example through an 
     exquisite balance of firmness, fairness and fun. 
     Opportunities of many varieties were provided, shared and 
     celebrated. Success of one was joy for all. Adversity was met 
     directly and, ultimately, viewed as a learning experience to 
     prepare us for the future.
       Mom the Club Scout Den Mother, Dad the little league coach, 
     both the homework ``checkers'' have left their imprint on us. 
     That these acorns did not fall far from the tree is evidenced 
     by the Smith boys' character and individual traits. All 
     different yet each possessing the basic core values Mom and 
     Dad lived. We are the fruit of their love and labor.
       Although their lives revolved around us they ensure their 
     love and happiness was rooted in each other. They believed in 
     their families and showed us the treasures in grandparent, 
     uncles, aunts and cousins. We were fortunate to have so many. 
     Kay and Bern's friends over these last fifty years are too 
     numerous to list and there are always more being added to the 
     fold. Wherever they live, travel or `hang out' some new 
     acquaintances emerge, most become friends. The strength we 
     know was and is felt by many. Their generosity and 
     friendliness is well renowned. They have known tough times in 
     their fifty years and after each have emerged stronger in 
     their love for each other. Kay and Bern live life vigorously, 
     content in their past while expectantly anticipating the 
     future.
       To be their son is a supreme gift from God. To live up to 
     and emulate their greatness is a difficult task to achieve 
     yet a goal worthy of the quest. Mom and Dad made it simpler 
     because they gave us the template for success and are always 
     there to pick us up and `point our heads' in the right 
     direction.
       I think the answer to my question on how to describe Kay 
     and Bern's fifty years of 

[[Page E149]]
     marriage is rather simple. How beautiful and wonderful they are . . . 
     my Mom and Dad are an everlasting, unending love story.
           Happy Anniversary!
                                                             Mick.
                                  ____

       My Mom and Dad are proudly celebrating their 50th wedding 
     anniversary, and the impact of this day has made me reflect 
     on just how unique and special they are to my brothers and I. 
     We have enjoyed a lifetime of genuine love and involvement, 
     and it is not possible for me to truly measure all that I 
     have learned from them. Sometimes the ``push'' to grow and 
     change was subtle, at other times it was not, but even as 
     kids, the Smith boys recognized somehow that the love we 
     received on a daily basis was to be cherished.
       Of all the qualities that parents can imbue in their sons, 
     several have come to be guiding forces in my life. From my 
     earliest recollections of the teachings of my Mom & Dad, they 
     have stressed the importance of honor and duty. My brothers 
     and I have now seen for ourselves the results of ``doing the 
     right thing'' in our daily lives and we can (and do) thank 
     Mom & Dad for their hands-on style of parenting. In the 90's, 
     it is rather common for many to be unconcerned of the 
     consequences of their actions, but my brothers and I were 
     taught that we must be true to ourselves and to ``own'' our 
     behavior. The ``Golden Rule'' was often the answer we 
     received when we were seeking advice from our parents. I 
     remember a discussion I had with my Dad when I was unsure 
     whether it was O.K. to vote for myself in the upcoming 
     Freshman Class Presidential election. Dad's view on this 
     matter was disarmingly simple and direct. He said, that if I 
     was to ask anyone else to vote for me, that this was akin to 
     asking them to trust in me, and if I had their trust, then 
     surely I must trust in myself to do the job. So I voted for 
     myself, as I had the confidence in myself that loving parents 
     help engender in their children. Trust in oneself took many 
     forms in our household. One only need look at some of the 
     events that we brothers engaged in from some pretty young 
     ages, with full support from Mom & Dad. Chris had his first 
     paper route at age 6! I was about 8 years old when Mick and I 
     started scuba diving. Mom and Dad endeavored to treat us 
     equally. I know we all appreciated that, and I believe the 
     results of that even-handed treatment are partly responsible 
     for the closeness we brothers feel for each other to this 
     day. Sibling rivalry was never an issue, unless the issue was 
     sports!
       All of us participated in sports, seemingly always showing 
     a preference for those sporting events where individual 
     achievement could be measured. I think we all desired very 
     strongly to show Mom & Dad that we could be as good as they 
     told us we were! Mom & Dad were early devotees of swimming 
     and tennis and filled our community's need for a place to 
     play, by organizing with assistance from uncle Gil, a Swim 
     Club. Dad was also instrumental in the start-up of a boy's 
     baseball league, and even coached one of the teams. I think 
     we can all remember Dad's frequent calls to be ``Heads Up!'' 
     and to stay in the flow of the action by being prepared to 
     act immediately if we fielded a ball. He would keep us 
     thinking by having us say to ourselves: ``What am I going to 
     do if the ball comes to me?'' The situational awareness that 
     was fostered by this and other self-knowledge exercises while 
     growing up, uniquely prepared my brothers and I for Life's 
     challenges, and I feel strongly that this training helped me 
     in my aviation career. The dinner table discussions at the 
     Smith Family house also helped us to really know and 
     appreciate each other and honed our skills at the 
     presentation of opinions. No topic was off limits and we all 
     learned that to have an opinion on something was to be 
     prepared to clearly debate the issues, with Mom & Dad guiding 
     us a making sure our ``Ducks were in a row.'' My brothers and 
     I benefited tremendously from these now legendary happenings, 
     and to this day when we get together there will be strongly 
     held opinions discussed and dissected, and the learning will 
     continue. There was no need to have the television on to keep 
     us busy.
       Mom is the ``Heart Of Our Family'' and is very skilled at 
     making others feel welcome and a part of our family. We were 
     fortunate to meet and know many of Mom & Dad's friends over 
     the years, as they entertained often and graciously. We were 
     never treated like little kids unless we acted that way, 
     which we tried very hard not to do so that we could be 
     involved in more adult matters and discussions. Often upon 
     leaving a large family gathering, we would be praised for 
     being good kids and for making them proud with the way we 
     handled ourselves. My brothers and I always appreciated this 
     positive feedback.
       Dad likes to say ``show me'' on occasions where he needs to 
     be convinced of the veracity of a statement. Mom & Dad showed 
     us how they felt about us all the time, and they still do. We 
     knew that we were loved, we were not just told that we were. 
     It is common now to speak of ``family values'' as if they 
     could be capsulized and distributed to people for their 
     enrichment. When you have had good strong family values as 
     the defining fabric of your entire life, as we have had, you 
     begin to sense that ``love is the answer, no matter the 
     question.'' I can honestly state, that Mom & Dad by 
     constantly demonstrating their unwavering love for God, for 
     us, and for each other, have shown the way to true happiness 
     in this life. They have taught us the secret. It is up to us 
     to live that secret and to pass it on to everyone we touch.
       Mom & Dad, congratulations on your 50-year achievement!!
       I love you very much!
     T.
                                                                    ____

       Dear Mom and Dad: Fifty years ago today, you both said ``I 
     do,'' and what you've done together has truly left, and 
     continues to leave, a special legacy for all of us who deeply 
     love and respect you.
       I am certain that your parents--Nana and Gramp Smith and 
     Holl--Sue and all our loved ones who are with the Lord, 
     rejoice today in your achievement. You have been a blessing 
     and inspiration beyond what you'll ever know. Someday perhaps 
     the Lord will tell you in Heaven how the thousands of 
     seemingly little things--acts of kindness or honesty--
     affected us for the good. You taught Mick, Tom and me as 
     much, if not more, by your consistent example and good works 
     than by what you said. And Mom, you know how Dad loves to 
     talk.
       Growing up in Iselin, our family was strong--like a rock--
     because of your faith in God, your devotion to the Blessed 
     Mother, your goodness, your sense of humor, your work ethic 
     and concern for others--especially the little guy.
       You taught us to look beyond the obvious and below the 
     surface. To think deep thoughts and big ideas, but not to get 
     bogged down in dreams. ``You can keep your head in the 
     clouds,'' you often said, Dad, ``as long as you keep your 
     feet on the ground.'' And then there's your old friend 
     ``economics.''
       You never did anything half-way or half-baked or half-
     hearted. Yet, if I heard it once I heard it a thousand times, 
     ``everything in moderation and balance.'' You poured 
     yourselves first into making your marriage work, and then 
     into the challenge of raising three hard-driving, 
     independent-minded, rough-and-tumble boys.
       I never knew a time when you both didn't work hard to make 
     a decent living; and you did it honestly. Remember the time 
     Rawlings sent several dozen top of the line baseball gloves 
     which would sell for almost $100 each, but billed us for 
     rawhide laces at 50 cents a pop. What a profit! What a 
     killing! No one would ever know. Not! You called Rawlings 
     immediately to set the record straight. Well, I remember that 
     day, and I learned a lesson in integrity to last a lifetime. 
     Years later when Mick and I were in the store, a van filled 
     with ``hot'' merchandise--good deals, for sure--pulled into 
     our parking lot. When approached, Mick said, ``not 
     interested,'' called the police, and they arrested the thief 
     as he was making a ``sale'' a short distance away. These 
     kinds of lessons, and others like them, etched values into 
     the depths of our souls concerning right and wrong in ways no 
     book or words could ever do.
       Mom, you were a ``career woman'' long before that idea came 
     into vogue; yet, you were always available to Mick, Tom and 
     me because of the way you arranged your hours. We never had 
     to ask, ``Where's Mom?'' There was never any doubt whatsoever 
     that your first priority was us--and, of course, B. H.
       In the store you were the bookkeeping guru, Mom, and much 
     more, making sense of accounts payable, receivable and 
     purchase orders. As long as you had a cup of Herb's coffee--
     we all lived on that stuff for a while (except Tom, who hated 
     it)--you were ready for anything that might walk through that 
     front door.
       While Dad did most of the selling to schools and athletic 
     teams, with a minor assist--for a time--from his sons, you 
     were the super glue behind the scenes who made it all work.
       Come to think of it, you were the glue at home, as well.
       You are a truly remarkable lady, Mom; a real softy with a 
     great big heart. And the way you've handled your health 
     ordeal further reveals your inner strength and faith in God. 
     Dad is right on target when he calls you ``St. Katherine of 
     Robbinsville.'' And Dad you are an example of unfailing love 
     and dedication to mom in ``sickness and in health''--you're 
     always just there for her--don't think your devotion goes 
     unnoticed.
       Dad, I sure do respect your courage and boldness.
       Mick, Tom and I are tough on the inside because of your 
     ``tough love.'' You were easy to please, but hard to satisfy. 
     We were admonished to ask the difficult questions; stand on 
     principle, even if you do it alone; to never give in; to be 
     prepared; to give 100%. You coached our Little League teams; 
     co-founded a family swim club with Gil, your brother, with 
     whom you are best friends; and founded our Boy Scout troop. 
     You taught us to love the outdoors, camping, hiking and 
     citizenship. Both you and Mom seemed awfully proud when Mick, 
     Tom and I each made Eagle Scout.
       In life, and in baseball, you drilled it into us one of the 
     secrets of success: Anticipation, and I'm not talking about 
     ketchup. Your mantra was to ask: ``what do I do if the ball 
     comes to me.'' You instilled in us a pro-active way of 
     thinking--not just making double plays. I'm sure Mick and 
     Tom--especially when making critical flight decisions in the 
     pilot's seat somewhere in the stratosphere--find this 
     training extremely useful.
       Although we had to prod you for details about World War 
     II--much of it too hellish to recount--we always admired your 
     gallantry and courage serving America as a combat soldier in 
     New Guinea, the Philippines, and other battles in the 
     Pacific. And 

[[Page E150]]
     what guy wouldn't be impressed with all those medals you earned. When I 
     read your historic novel--Horizons of Glory--I couldn't help 
     wonder how many of the scenes depicted had their root in your 
     actual war experience. Both you and Mom are extremely well-
     read; thanks for passing the importance of books and reading 
     on to us. And Dad, you have always had the gift--the flair--
     for writing.
       And talk about a guy with that ``competitive edge.'' In 
     sports and life you have risen to every challenge.
       In 1977, when I married my college sweetheart Marie, no one 
     was more happy for me--us--than the two of you. I like to 
     think our happy home is like ``our'' happy home. We couldn't 
     be more pleased that Melissa, Chris, Mike and Elyse think of 
     the two of you (aka Mom-Mom and Bobby) as really neat--and 
     they, too, love you.
       I just realized, I'm getting a little long--which is really 
     not fair. Mick, Tom and I agreed that each letter was to be 
     concise. Hey, number three son's a politician--what'd you 
     expect? A postcard? Happy 50th!
           Love,
     Chris
                                                                    ____


 A Love Letter To Kay on our Fiftieth Anniversary February 2, 1946-1996

       My Darling Kay: The unabashed, no apology romantic in me 
     happily says, ``Kay, you are synonymous with Love''.
       Love is the only perfect place on our planet. It can move 
     mountains; it has brought down kings. Yet, Love is 
     paradoxically delicate and tenuous and must never be 
     maneuvered, and certainly never be manipulated.
       To paraphrase St. Paul in one of his letters to the 
     Corinthians . . . Love is selfless, Love is sacrificial, 
     Love, if nurtured, can be unending.
       You neither have to agree to love, nor should there be a 
     reimbursement to Love. We don't have to be Loved back to Love 
     the way God intended. Very simply, it is the never ending 
     gift of totally giving our ourselves--and asking nothing in 
     return.
       Cynics may scoff at these sentiments but they come and go 
     like the waves on a beach and, we have spent more than fifty 
     years, most of our lives, proving them wrong. Living as we 
     do, in an age of hedonism, you and I have never measured 
     success with material wealth--the size or location of our 
     homes: the cost of our cars; labels on our clothes, etc. . . 
     .
       Our wealth--indeed our legacy is our children and their 
     children and obviously, there is no way to put a dollar value 
     on that, nor should there be a need to.
       You and I would like to think that the magic that we first 
     felt for each other was not just blind chance--and we never 
     lost it. Were we just lucky? Maybe--but I think not.
       Just a craftsman, a technician and an athlete constantly 
     hone and refine their skills, so too did we, through constant 
     communication and understanding the needs of each other. And, 
     the tender, sometimes wild, often explosively, cataclysmic, 
     earth moving events that produced Mick, Tom and Chris became 
     for us, wondrously frequent happenings. It sure hasn't been 
     ho-hum nor routine.
       Do you remember many, many years ago discussing. ``The 
     Magic Cottage'' by O. Henry? It told of a young, handsome and 
     vibrant couple who never saw themselves older with the 
     passing years, as long as they were in the confines of their 
     ``Magic Cottage''. Much the same as the fabled, ``Shangri-
     La''.
       Well, I believe we have found the spirit of our, ``Magic 
     Cottage'' in our minds. The ``Fountain of Youth'' is not a 
     place but rather that tenuous, delicate spirit of love along 
     with our ``Joie de Vivre''. The joy of life.
       The very phrase--Joy of Life--has such a positive ring to 
     it. Very few of us are born with it. It must be cultivated 
     over a span of years and, I believe we have done that.
       It has manifested itself countless times through the quiet 
     pride we take in our loving parents, brothers, sisters, three 
     fine sons and our grandchildren.
       We have been separated by war, have experienced illness and 
     pain, suffered the loss of loved ones always putting our 
     faith in God and His Blessed Mother--and we have been 
     sustained.
       My dearest Kay, I have learned, and will continue to learn 
     from your example of never complaining. Someone who knows us 
     both very well once asked me if I found it difficult to live 
     with a saint?
       ``Not at all'', I answered. ``it's kind of nice''.
       Now we celebrate our fiftieth and I know you wonder as I 
     do, ``Where in the world did those years go so quickly?'' 
     Would I do it all over again? In a minute and I wouldn't 
     change a thing.
       And I'll bet you feel exactly as I. Remember the line from 
     an old song? ``A million laughs and a few little tears?'' 
     That sums it up pretty good, don't you agree?
       Since writing you hundreds of letters beginning in 1939, I 
     always ended them with a simple--``I love you'' but I don't 
     think I'll actually end this one. The song is still playing 
     and I don't think it will ever end.
       So, I'll break off here with something you told me you 
     liked very much after hearing it in a speech I once gave.
       ``Age is not a time of life--youth is merely a state of 
     mind. We become old when we desert our ideals and dreams. We 
     are as young as our faith, as old as our doubts. As young as 
     our self confidence, as old as our fears''.
       ``And deep within our hearts is a recording chamber, and as 
     long as that chamber is receiving messages of hope--faith and 
     cheer, we will never, never grow old. Happy anniversary.
           Love,
     Bern

                          ____________________