[Congressional Record Volume 140, Number 12 (Wednesday, February 9, 1994)]
[House]
[Page H]
From the Congressional Record Online through the Government Printing Office [www.gpo.gov]


[Congressional Record: February 9, 1994]
From the Congressional Record Online via GPO Access [wais.access.gpo.gov]

 
                   FROM LITTLE ROCK TO JAILHOUSE ROCK

  (Mr. WELDON asked and was given permission to address the House for 1 
minute and to revise and extend his remarks.)
  Mr. WELDON. Mr. Speaker, today we find out the nominees for the 
Academy Awards in Hollywood. I thought I would take the liberty of 
presenting the Academy Awards for the longest-running comedy in 
Washington--Whitewatergate.
  Best Actress in a full-scale cover-up: Hillary Clinton, who 
remembered to deduct every pair of Bill's used underwear, but somehow 
forgot to declare a $69,000 tax loss.
  Best Incompetent Director: Bernard Nussbaum, who orchestrated the 
most bungled cover-up since Watergate.
  Best Supporting Cast: the Rose Law Firm, the best-connected law firm 
since Bendini, Lambert and Lock in The Firm.
  Best Supporting Actor in a crime story: Arkansas Banker James 
McDougal, who has been walking on both sides of the law for years.
  Best Special Effects: the Rose Law Firm shredder. Like the Energizer 
Bunny, it just keeps on shredding, and shredding, and shredding.
  Best Set Design and Prop: Bill Clinton's El Camino, the one with the 
astroturf. The actresses in those scenes remain unidentified.
  Best Song: Jailhouse Rock, for James McDougal, with Bill Clinton on 
saxophone.
  Best Film Adaptation: Bill and Hillary Clinton, for their winning 
reprisal of a slightly revised Woody Allen favorite: Lose the Money and 
Run.
  Best Actor in a full-scale cover-up: Bill Clinton, who has insisted 
for months he knew nothing about a land deal that lost him $69,000.

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